How to learn to communicate well with people. What factors influence the ability to communicate with other people, how to learn to communicate with other people. Why are we afraid to be heard?

Why, when communicating with some people, we feel lightness and ease, from talking with others we experience tension and discomfort, and after talking with others, we want to die of boredom at all?

Ask people around you what they experience from communicating with you? If you do not like the answers, our material will be especially useful!

We will tell you how to learn the art of conversation and avoid mistakes that get on your nerves in a conversation.

Remember that the right communication with people will bring you great benefits! And you need to start working on mistakes by identifying your shortcomings and shortcomings in the conversation.

Methods of dealing with them will depend only on what you want to end up with. Understanding the purpose will help you develop the ability to communicate and not throw up.

Bad communication - what is it?

What are the achievements of a pleasant interlocutor? The psychology of communication provides an exhaustive answer to this question.

Anyone who knows how to clearly and distinctly express thoughts, give convincing arguments, is considered not only a good speaker, but also the soul of the company.

By building the right communication, you will open up many opportunities for yourself - it will become easier to achieve goals at work, your circle of friends will expand, and your list of acquaintances will be replenished with many new names.

Knowing how to communicate with the opposite sex, you will get rid of misunderstandings in your personal life. At a minimum, a pleasant conversation can make a good impression and charm the object of sympathy, which is not bad.

But what about someone who speaks incoherently, inconsistently, or too rudely? Such a person does not make anyone want to listen to him.

It is especially important to control yourself and your speech during flirting. Especially for you, we asked our expert Olga Stern, a sexologist and founder of the Geisha and Alchemy of Pleasure online schools on the art of sexual mastery, to comment on this aspect of communication:

Flirting is a very important part of communicating with the opposite sex. This is a game, coquetry, an enhancer of the taste of life, something that can start relationships or keep the fire in them.

The most important thing in flirting is attitude: how you feel about yourself and how you feel about yourself. Receptions are a secondary factor, they will not work.

If, for example, deep down you consider yourself ugly, then no matter how erotically you bite your lip, it will not be perceived properly. So first of all, learn to love yourself.

But there are a few tricks that work great if you urgently need to get into the right state.

The repeated repetition of the usual phrase “I love you”, said in the eyes of your mirror image, works great.

These words can work wonders and fire up your eyes without trying to find fault with yourself. Remember the “anchor” song, after which your inner flirtatious essence turns on - the main thing is to find such a composition and use it correctly.

And after the necessary sparkle in the eyes appears, you can speak more slowly in a lower voice, sometimes touch the man or yourself, play with intimate muscles to dilate the pupils, and in other ways invite the man to the game.

He can even present the right and smart things in such a way that it sounds wild and will not find any support from his interlocutors.

To avoid becoming an "outsider" and improve the quality of your speech, follow a few simple rules:

In addition to the above, don't overlook another important communication factor: don't vomit.
Do not be too annoying, constantly repeating the same bore.

Psychology designates such a thing as communication as an equivalent communicative interaction of people.

Simply put, all interlocutors should contribute equally to the conversation. If one, gesticulating violently, describes his adventures on the weekend, problems with the boss ...

He talks all the time about his dog, complains about a regular migraine, not allowing the other to insert a word - this communication cannot be called complete.

The art of communication implies the possibility of self-expression for all people equally, taking into account their abilities and peculiarities of thinking.

Another sign of nauseating communication is the eternal whining and complaints. If someone talks about sad things all the time or looks for negativity everywhere, he infects his interlocutors with negative emotions.

Some call such people energy vampires, others look with regret at their love for their problems and the need for pity from others.

Such people are said to like to vomit. Take a look at your habitual behavior in a circle of close people.

If a few nauseating signs come up frequently in the way you talk, it's time to get rid of it.

Intrusive communication is your worst enemy

Obsession is worth considering separately. Erich Maria Remarque wrote: "We are so afraid of being intrusive that we seem indifferent." It is worth considering these words.

Both obsession and indifference are signs of improper communication. When a person behaves like a “stuck fish”, is too eager for the company of other people, they say about him that he is sick of him.

His communication with people does not bring pleasure to anyone. They try to stay away from intrusive interlocutors, because they cause despondency, gradually developing into irritation, anger and even aggression.

If you notice a habit of imposing yourself, you need to get rid of it urgently, otherwise you will never be able to build the right communication.

So many little things and remarks... How should we communicate so that everyone is happy? Above all, the pleasure of talking should be mutual.

You need to show cordiality exactly as much as it is shown to you. Let this be your little unobtrusive secret.

A few words about non-verbal signs

Oral speech is easier to track and control, but non-verbal communication remains a mystery to many, because only the interlocutor sees its signs.

For this reason, many people do not attach importance to their facial expressions, gestures, body position, etc. at all. But with non-verbal signs, you can increase the persuasiveness of your words, or vice versa - nullify the entire effect of what was said.

Recall the series about the theory of lies, where the psychologist Dr. Lightman could accurately determine that the witness of the crime was hiding something only by his involuntary gesture of putting his fingers to his lips.

But we will not "dig" so deeply. Let's just say that the interlocutor is repelled by "closed" poses: arms crossed on the chest or hidden in pockets, haughtily raised chin, lowered or looking into the distance.

Let's open a little trick: to earn the trust of the interlocutor, take the pose of "mirror image".

If he folded his hands on the table, like a schoolboy at his desk - do the same, resting his chin with his palm - and you are behind him. Just do it unsharply, otherwise the interlocutor will guess the intention of your manipulations or think that you are parodying him.

The ability to communicate includes the possession of facial expressions. Emotions reflected on the face are not only normal, but also necessary.

By remaining dispassionate, you lose additional contact with the interlocutor. As a result, it will be more difficult for you to win him over and convince him of your beliefs.

Facial expressions help not only to better understand the interlocutor, but also to make him your ally in a conversation on a controversial topic - remember this.

As for laughter, it should be appropriate, you don’t need to brighten up all the awkward moments with it. An overabundance can negate a good impression of you.

It is possible to be familiar, hugging interlocutors, putting a hand on their shoulders or on their neck, but selectively. This style of behavior is acceptable in a friendly company over a glass of champagne, and not at work or with unfamiliar people.

Too strong gestures, as well as its complete absence, are not the best extremes for a pleasant conversation. Effective communication involves a moderate combination of your speech, facial expressions and gestures in the complex. Consider it a law.

Why you need to improve your communication skills

Before you ask yourself how to learn to communicate with people, you need to provide yourself with motivation.
A person who clearly recognizes the need for change will work hard to improve their communication skills.

Understand, thanks to the development of communication, it is possible to become anyone - the soul of the company, a skilled speaker or a person who knows how to convince everyone and everything.

Would Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther, Winston Churchill, and Ronald Reagan have been great politicians if they weren't able to speak persuasively?

Right ways of communication are needed not only in politics, but in every area of ​​life. A good manager, being eloquent, will easily convince clients to sign a lucrative contract.

The seller, through an effective dialogue with the buyer, will easily increase the amount of the average check. Love doesn't always start at first sight, sometimes it comes after the first interesting conversation.

Therefore, in personal life, the secrets of communication will be especially useful.

They will help win the location of the person you like and draw attention to themselves. The ability to communicate is useful and multifaceted, its value is difficult to overestimate.

To become an interesting interlocutor, who is listened to with pleasure and correctly understood by others, is the dream of many. But someone only dreams while others act.

Start by reading good educational literature. Experts in their field will help you understand how to communicate with people.

A good example would be “The Power of Charm. How to Win Hearts and Succeed by Brian Tracy and Ron Arden. The book teaches friendliness and goodwill in communication.

There are no deep tips or complex techniques that will take a long time to work on. Tracey and Arden only lucidly explain the value of a positive attitude during a conversation.

The book "The Psychology of Influence" by Robert Cialdini was published in America 5 times. This fact alone speaks of its value and practical use.

The focus is not on business, but on personal communication, but advice with recommendations is applicable to all areas of life.

To become a truly good conversationalist, you will need some exercises. Try to tell something to yourself in front of the mirror, arrange a dialogue with yourself.

You can record your story on a voice recorder, and then listen to the recording. Such manipulations will help to notice the shortcomings of your speech, pointing to places that require additional study.

Listening is just as important as talking. If you are not attentive to the interlocutor, his answers will become superficial and lack of initiative.

No one likes to communicate with people who do not listen to the interlocutor at all. This rule works unconditionally, such is our psychology.

Don't forget to be witty! Jokes, irony, timely use of quotes are clear signs of an interesting interlocutor.

Communication with people requires a variety of surprises, do not be afraid to surprise, but also do not forget to stick to the boundaries of what is acceptable.

The ability to communicate requires moderation and an intuitive understanding of the appropriateness of any phrase. If you keep joking or making fun of others all the time, then there will soon be no interlocutors located towards you.

Making fun of yourself is a good move, but a sense of proportion is also important in self-irony. Otherwise, you risk turning into a jester.

Every day, those whom others consider not sociable or called a bore, in fact, really want to be heard and understood.

Shyness manifests itself in different ways. Some people cannot squeeze out a single word from themselves, while others, on the contrary, say everything in a row, so long as no one reveals their fear and excitement.

Effective communication is looseness and freedom of expression. It is not a shame to admit your embarrassment, the interlocutor will surely treat this with understanding.

Honesty is much more important than concealment and attempts to portray feigned confidence. It’s better to just say “I’m shy” than to tremble and feel sorry for yourself because of insecure communication.

Fighting yourself is not easy. By setting a goal and working out a strategy, you can become an ace in the matter of how to communicate with people.

In no case should the dispute turn into a quarrel. You consider different points of view, and do not seek to humiliate your opponent. Don't change the purpose of your conversation.

The ability to communicate implies that both you and your interlocutor will be satisfied with the conversation. If you catch signs of impatience, annoyance, or boredom in the person you're talking to, try to change the subject or end the conversation.

How to communicate with people and not feel sick, not irritate them, but rather arouse sympathy and understanding? Gather your strength, analyze yourself and your shortcomings, develop a strategy for developing communication skills.

No one is endowed with an innate ability to communicate effectively, much more often the reputation of a good interlocutor is the result of persistent and painstaking self-improvement.

If success does not come from the first try, do not let it scare you, but inspire you for further positive changes.

Soon you will definitely notice positive changes in those around you in relation to you and everything that you say.

anna base

Interaction with other people is a significant part of everyone's life. For some, communication is not a particular problem, for others it is given with such difficulty that they prefer to avoid contact. However, it is better, having studied the rules and becoming more confident in yourself, to increase the effectiveness of communication than to spend your life as a hermit.

How not to be afraid to talk to people

A common reason that causes communication difficulties is fear. This is the fear of being misunderstood, of saying stupid things that “everyone will laugh at,” the fear of a negative reaction from others. As a rule, this reason has deep roots that go back to childhood. In this case, it is recommended to remember under what conditions the phobia was formed, to analyze the situation.

Other sources of the problem:

excessive modesty, shyness;
insufficient self-esteem;
complexes associated with appearance;
inability to make contact.

To learn how to communicate with people, you have to work on yourself. To overcome fear, you need to recognize it and fight it.

At first, you will have to force yourself to talk to people, so start with unfamiliar "guinea pigs": ask on the street what time it is, how to get to the library - soon it will become easier to talk to a stranger.

Effective communication: how to become an interesting conversationalist

Difficulties arise already because you have nothing to say. Answer honestly: can you interest yourself? How much do you know and are you able to keep up the conversation? Do you have hobbies and interests? If you answered “yes” to at least the last question, then everything is not so bad. On the contrary, because you have a chance to communicate with people online on forums dedicated to the topic of interest. This has several advantages:

there will be no fear
it is easier to communicate among like-minded people,
if you are an expert, then your opinion will be listened to and respected, and this always has a positive effect on self-esteem.

In the future, this communication can be continued in real life.

To understand how to learn how to easily and simply communicate with people, at least there must be a topic for communication. Learn something new every day, develop yourself, form your own opinion about events. Discuss with loved ones the last book you read, the movie you liked - share your emotions and thoughts.

Do not be afraid to say something stupid - you will be surprised, but people do it all the time, serving under the sauce of self-righteousness, therefore they inspire confidence in others.

How to communicate freely: 4 exercises

The first basic rule is a good mood. No one likes to communicate with whiners and bores. That's why negative emotions you shouldn't take it out on those around you. Create a mood for yourself - start the morning with a smile at the reflection in the mirror, a delicious breakfast, your favorite music. Stop complaining and learn to see more of the good.

Learn to understand other people without words. Guess the emotions on the faces of passers-by, determine what a person who has a particular facial expression can feel. Here, training in front of a mirror can also help - depict different feelings and watch how facial expressions change.

This is important, because how the same phrase is uttered depends on how it will be perceived.

Sign up for a speaking class. Even if you do not have to speak in public (although communication, in fact, is such a performance), you will learn how to build phrases and express thoughts correctly.

How to communicate correctly: what does psychology teach?

Even if you lacked elementary communication skills since childhood, they can be developed.

What should you pay attention to to make it easier to communicate with people?

Development of confidence. Self-confidence is a sign of a successful person, and such people attract the attention of others, arouse interest and desire to communicate.
Endear. A simple way to inspire confidence in the interlocutor is to make eye contact when communicating. If a person looks away, this may indicate that he is lying, and this is recognized at a subconscious level. Looking into the eyes has a hypnotic effect. At the same time, remember that too long a look can be regarded as aggressive behavior, a challenge, so it is extremely important to control the timbre of the voice and intonation during a conversation.
Address the interlocutor by name. For a person, there is no sound more pleasant than your own name. That's the way we are.
Proper conversation. Ask questions that can be answered in detail, as well as supplemented with additional questions. Here, too, it is important not to overdo it - so that the dialogue does not look like an interrogation.
Don't be afraid of rejection. The reason for difficulties in communication can be the fear of rejection, which reinforces the already existing self-doubt. Take it for granted - any answer is a result. Failure is just an excuse to look for another solution to the problem. It should not affect your self-esteem in any way - at least you do not know the true reasons why the interlocutor did not agree. The feeling of fear limits a person. For motivation, watch the movie with Jim Carrey "Always Say Yes."

How to learn to communicate with people - Carnegie book

Dale Carnegie's advice is a classic in communication psychology. People faced with communication problems find answers in them. These are effective and simple recommendations that will help you establish contact with any (adequate) person.

Don't set yourself the goal of learning how to communicate with people in a week or a month. It may take much longer, but you will notice small shifts after a few “training” conversations. Treat it like an accomplishment homework to be done. At the same time, keep yourself relaxed, without unnecessary emotions that indicate anxiety.

December 18, 2013, 14:04

It sounds very simple: say what you mean.
But too often, despite our best intentions, the true meaning of what is said is lost on our interlocutor. We say one thing and the other person hears something else, resulting in misunderstanding, frustration and conflict.

To , you can learn to communicate with people and express your thoughts more clearly and clearly for the perception of their interlocutor. Whether you're trying to connect with your spouse, kids, boss, or co-workers, you can improve your communication skills, which will help you build rapport with others, build trust and respect, and feel heard and understood.

For success in life, the ability to communicate with people is much more important than having talent.
John Lubbock

What is effective communication?

Communication is more than just the exchange of information. It's about about understanding what emotional message and meaning lies in this information. Effective communication is also a two-way interaction. It is not only how you convey the message in such a way that it is received and understood with the meaning that you put into it, but also how you listen in order to fully understand the meaning of what was said and make the other person feel heard and understood is important. .

Effective communication combines more than just the words used in a conversation - it is a whole set of skills, including non-verbal communication, the ability to listen carefully, control oneself, communicate with self-confidence and the ability to recognize and understand the emotions of oneself and that person, with who you are communicating with.

Effective communication is the glue that will help you deepen your connections with others and improve teamwork, collaborative decision making and problem solving. It even allows you to send negative or nasty messages without creating conflict or destroying trust.

Although effective ways communication with people can be learned, nevertheless, their spontaneous acquisition from life experience is more effective, and not in the process of acting according to patterns. A speech that is read from the sight, for example, rarely has the same effect as a speech given spontaneously, or at least appears to be so. Of course, it takes time and effort to develop these skills and become an effective communicator. The more effort and practice you put in, the more instinctive and effortless your communication skills will become.

It is easiest for me to communicate with ten thousand people. The hardest thing is with one.
Joan Baez

What you can do to learn how to conduct a conversation with a person correctly:

• Take your time - find time for personal communication.
• Accept that it's okay to disagree with something.
• Make sure you don't hold your breath.
• Listen before you say something, even if you don't agree with what you hear.
• Take time out when you are already too stressed.

Barriers to Effective Interpersonal Communication

Stress and uncontrollable emotion

When you are nervous or unable to cope with your emotions, you are likely to misperceive other people, send unintelligible or intimidating non-verbal signals, and begin to act like an unbalanced, mentally ill person. Take a moment to calm down before continuing the conversation.

Lack of attention

You cannot communicate effectively when you are multitasking. If you're daydreaming, checking text messages, or thinking about something else as you plan your next line, you'll almost certainly miss non-verbal cues when you're talking. You should always take into account your life experience.

Illogical gestures and facial expressions

Non-verbal communication should reinforce verbal communication without contradicting it. If you say one thing but your body language says something else, your listener is likely to feel that you are being hypocritical. For example, you cannot say "yes" while shaking your head in denial.

Negative facial expressions

If you disagree with what is being said, or you don't like it, you can use negative facial expressions and gestures to express disagreement with the other person's message, such as crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or tapping your feet. You don't have to agree or even approve of what is said, but communicate effectively without forcing the other person to be defensive; it is very important to avoid sending negative signals.

In communication all our days pass, but the art of communication is the lot of the few...
Mikhail Vasilievich Lomonosov

4 Key Skills That Improve Communication

1. Become an engaged listener.
2. Pay attention to nonverbal cues.
3. Control yourself.
4. Be confident.

Skill 1: Become an Engaged Listener

People often focus on what they have to say, but effective communication is about talking less and listening more. Listening well means understanding not only the words or information heard, but also the emotions that the speaker is trying to express.

There is big difference between when you listen carefully and when you just hear the information. When you really listen, when you really listen to what is being said, you will recognize subtle intonations in the speaker's voice that will tell you about how that person feels and what emotions they are trying to convey when communicating. When you are an engaged listener, you will not only understand the other person better, you will make them feel heard and understood, and this can be the foundation for building a closer and more secure relationship between you.

By communicating in this way, you will also learn to calm down and maintain physical well-being and emotional balance. If the person you are talking to is calm, as shown by, for example, listening carefully to your story, you too can become more balanced. Similarly, if a person is anxious, you can help calm them down by listening carefully and making them feel understood.

If your goal is to fully understand the other person and their contact, you will naturally listen carefully. If not, try the following tips. The more you practice them, the more satisfying and productive your interactions with others will become.

How do you become an engaged listener?

Concentrate all your attention on the speaker, his or her body language, tone of voice, and other non-verbal cues coming from that person. Tone of voice conveys emotion, so if you're thinking about something, checking text messages, or scribbling on a piece of paper, you'll almost certainly miss the non-verbal cues and the emotional content of the spoken words. And if talking man behaves in the same abstract way, you will quickly be able to notice it. If you find it difficult to focus on some speakers, try repeating their words in your mind - this will reinforce their message for you and help you stay focused.

Listen with your right ear. The left side of the brain contains the primary processing centers for speech and emotion recognition. Since the left hemisphere of the brain is responsible for the right side of the body, focusing on the right ear can help you better diagnose the emotional content of what the speaker said. Try to keep your posture straight, slightly lower your chin down, and turn your right ear towards the speaker - this will help to catch the high frequencies of human speech, which carry the emotional component of what was said.

Don't interrupt the speaker and don't try to turn the conversation on to your problems by saying something like, "If you think this is bad, listen to what happened to me." Listening does not mean waiting for your turn to speak again. If you form in your head what you are going to say next, you cannot concentrate on what the other person is saying. Often, the speaker can read your facial expressions and understand that you are thinking about something else.

Show interest in what has been said. Periodically nod in approval, smile at the person you are talking to, and make sure your body position is open and conducive to communication. Approvingly encourage the speaker to continue the conversation with small verbal comments like "yes" or "uh-huh."

Any conversation becomes interesting if the listener is caught carried away ...

Try not to be judgmental. In order to communicate effectively with someone, you do not have to sympathize with the interlocutor or agree with their ideas, values ​​or opinions. However, to fully understand a person, you must avoid judging them and refrain from reproaching and criticizing them. If you lead even the most difficult discussion correctly, you can establish contact with someone with whom it seemed very difficult and unlikely to find mutual understanding.

let's feedback. If the thread of the conversation is interrupted, reproduce what was said in other words. "What I hear is," or "Looks like you're talking," are great ways to get the conversation back on track. desired point. Do not repeat verbatim what the speaker said, it will sound feigned and unintelligent. Instead, express, as you understand, the meaning of the words you heard. Ask questions to clarify certain points: "What do you mean when you say..." or "Is that what you mean?"

Recognize the emotional content of words by training the muscles of the middle ear

By increasing muscle tone in the tiny muscles of the middle ear (they are the smallest in human body), you will be able to recognize the higher frequencies of human speech that convey emotions, and better understand the true meaning of what the interlocutors are saying. Developing these tiny muscles isn't just about paying full attention to what someone else is saying; they can be trained by singing, playing wind instruments, and listening to certain types of music (high-frequency Mozart violin concertos and symphonies, for example, instead of low-frequency rock or rap).

Habit 2: Pay attention to non-verbal cues

When we talk about what we care about, we mostly use non-verbal cues. Non-verbal communication, or body language, includes facial expressions, body movement and gestures, eye contact, body posture, tone of voice, and even muscle tension and breathing. Your look, the way you listen, move and react to another person tell other people about your condition more than the words you said.

Developing the ability to understand and use non-verbal communication can help you communicate with others, express yourself clearly, and behave appropriately. difficult situations and build better relationships at work and at home.

You can make communication even more effective by using open body language: do not cross your arms, stand with an open body position or crouch at the edge of your seat, maintain eye contact with your interlocutor.
You can also use body language to emphasize or reinforce your verbal message - pat a friend on the back to congratulate them on their success, for example, or tap their fists to emphasize your message.

Tips to help you better interpret non-verbal communication

Keep in mind that everyone has their own individual characteristics. People from different countries and cultures tend to use a variety of non-verbal communicative gestures, so when analyzing body language, it is very important to take into account the age, cultural background, religion, gender and emotional state of a person. An American teenager, a grieving widow, and an Asian businessman, for example, may use nonverbal cues in different ways.

Analyze non-verbal signals comprehensively. Don't look for too much meaning in one gesture or non-verbal signal. Consider all non-verbal cues you receive, from eye contact to tone of voice and body movement. Any person can sometimes make the mistake of averting, for example, eyes and let the eyes of contact slip, for example, or cross their arms briefly, without implying anything negative. To better understand the true thoughts of a person, analyze his non-verbal signals in a complex way.

Use those non-verbal cues that reflect the essence of your words. Non-verbal communication should reinforce verbal communication without contradicting it. If you say one thing but your body language says something else, your listener is likely to feel that you are being hypocritical. For example, you cannot say "yes" while shaking your head in denial.

Tailor your non-verbal cues to suit the context of the conversation and the setting. Your tone of voice, for example, should be different when addressing a child and when addressing a group of adults. Also, take into account the emotional state and cultural background of the person you are communicating with.

Use body language to express positive emotions, even if you don't really feel them. If you're feeling nervous about a situation—a job interview, an important presentation, or a first date, for example—you can show confidence in yourself, even if you don't actually feel it, by using positive body language. Instead of hesitantly walking into a room with your head down, looking away, and shrinking into a chair, try to straighten your shoulders and stand with your head held high, smiling and making eye contact, and give the other person a firm handshake. This will make you more confident and help to relax the other person.

Skill 3: Control yourself

To communicate effectively, you need to be aware of your emotions and control them. And that means learning to deal with stress. When you are nervous or unable to cope with your emotions, you are likely to misperceive other people, send unintelligible or intimidating non-verbal signals, and begin to act like an unbalanced, mentally ill person.

How many times have you experienced disagreements with your spouse, children, boss, friends, or co-workers and then said or done something that you later regretted? If you can quickly de-stress and calm down, not only will you not have to regret later, but in many cases you will help the other person cool down as well. Only when you are in a calm, relaxed state will you be able to understand whether it is necessary to respond in this situation or whether it is better to remain silent, as signaled by the behavior of another person.

In situations such as an interview, a business presentation, a stressful meeting, or meeting a loved one with, for example, it is very important to manage your emotions, think on the go and communicate effectively in a stressful situation. These tips may help:

Stay balanced in a stressful situation

Use the time-buying tactic to give yourself an extra minute to think. Before answering, ask the question again or ask for clarification of a statement that causes you a misunderstanding.
Pause to collect your thoughts. To remain silent is not bad; pausing faster than the urge to respond can force you to pull yourself together.

Express one judgment and give an example or tell information supporting your statement. If your response speech is too long or if you babble about everything at once, you risk losing the listener's interest. Focus on one sentence with an example, look at the listener's reaction and evaluate whether it is worth talking about something else.

Speak clearly and clearly. In many cases, how you say it can be just as important as what you say. Speak clearly, maintain the same tone of voice, and make eye contact. Let your body language speak of relaxation and openness.

At the end of your statement, make a short summary and stop. Summarize the main point of your speech and stop talking, even if the room is silent. Don't keep talking to fill the silence.

When a discussion gets heated in the middle of a conversation, you need to do something quickly and immediately to reduce the emotional intensity. Learning how to quickly reduce stress in this moment, even if you know how to cope with any strong emotions that you experience, control your feelings and behave sensibly. If you know how to keep your mind balanced and on, even when something unbalanced happens, you will be able to stay emotionally ready and not get confused.

Quick Ways to Relieve Stress to Continue Effective Communication

To manage stress during communication, do the following:

1. Notice when you get nervous.
   If you feel nervous while communicating, your body will let you know. Are your muscles or stomach tight and/or sore? Are your hands clasped? Are your breathing shallow? Do you "forget" to breathe? Take a moment to calm down before continuing the conversation or putting it off.
2. Seek "help" from your mind and quickly pull yourself together by taking a few deep breaths, squeezing and relaxing your muscles, or, for example, remembering a calming, positive image that evokes positive emotions.
   The best way to quickly and reliably level stress is to listen to your senses: sight, hearing, touch, taste and smell. But each person reacts differently to the sensations of the senses, so you need to find something that will work soothingly for you.
3. Look for humor in the current situation.
   With the right approach, humor can be a great way to relieve tension during communication. When you or others start to take things too seriously, find a way to cheer everyone up by telling a joke or a funny story.
4. Be willing to compromise.
   Sometimes, if both you and your interlocutor are able to give in a little, you can find a middle ground that will suit and reassure all interested parties. If you realize that the subject matter is much more important to the other person than it is to you, it may be easier for you to compromise while laying a solid foundation for future relationships.
5. If necessary, stay with your opinions.
   Before returning to the situation, take a break so everyone can calm down. Take a short break and move away from the current situation. Take a walk outside if possible, or meditate for a few minutes. Physical movement or rest in a quiet place to restore inner balance will help to quickly relieve stress and calm down.

Skill 4: Be confident

Openness and self-confidence help build clear rapport, as well as increase self-esteem and make it easier for you to make decisions. Being confident means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs openly and honestly while being able to stand up for yourself and respect others. It does NOT mean being hostile, aggressive, or finicky. Effective communication is understanding the other person, not winning an argument or pushing your opinion on others.

To increase self-confidence:

• Appreciate yourself and your abilities. They are just as important as someone else's.
• Know your needs and desires. Learn to express them without violating the rights of others.
• Express negative thoughts in a positive way. It's okay to be angry, but it's important to show respect for others.
• Take your comments positively. Accept compliments favorably, learn from your mistakes, ask for help when you need it.
• Learn to say no. Know the limits of your patience and don't let others take advantage of you. Look for a way out of the situation so that everyone is happy as a result.

It is much better not to believe in a person, but to be confident in him.
Stanislav Jerzy Lec

Developing Positive Communication Skills

An empathic statement expresses empathy for another person. First understand the situation or feelings of the other person, and then confidently express your needs or opinion. "I know you've been very busy at work, but I want you to make time for us too."

The growing self-confidence can be used when your first attempts were not successful. Over time, you become more determined and persistent: your statement may indicate specific consequences if your needs are not taken into account. For example, "If you do not comply with the contract, I will be forced to go to court."

Start practicing assertiveness in less risky situations that will help build your confidence. Or ask friends or family members if they will let you practice assertiveness techniques on them first.

Why do we need communication
— 6 main rules of communication with people
— The art of effective communication
— 10 invariable rules of contact in society

Every person, if he lives in society, must be able to communicate. Even if he thinks he could do just fine without that skill. However, over time it becomes clear that communication is not just friendly chatter over tea on any interesting topic. Communication can include activities such as:

1) employment;
2) communication with the work team;

3) relationships in the family;
4) contacts with service personnel;
5) contacts with superiors;
6) raising children.

Even if it seems to you that you are not talkative at all, and you don’t need to learn how to talk beautifully, you are mistaken. Any encounter with other people implies communication. And it's best to know how to communicate properly.

There is another side of the issue - the need for communication. Psychology considers the need for communication as one of the most important and basic. If you know how to keep up a conversation, sooner or later you will want to implement this skill in your own life.

— 6 main rules of communication with people

The psychology of communication with people is based on several rules, which were most clearly and clearly formed by the famous psychologist and writer Dale Carnegie. He published his most famous books in the 1930s and 40s, but since then nothing has changed in human behavior and these rules are still relevant.

Rule #1: Be genuinely interested in others.
We all consider ourselves unique and want to be interesting to others. Remember your communication experience - we are always more willing to talk not with those who say smart things, but with those who let us know that we ourselves are interesting.

Rule #2: Smile.
Psychological research has shown that people who smile are generally more attractive to us. We tend to attribute to them the best human qualities. A smile shows the interlocutor that communication with him is joy and pleasure.

Rule number 3. Remember that your own name is the most nice word for any person.
Calling a person by name, we give him the simplest and most natural compliment. The name for us expresses individuality. Using the name of a person in a conversation, you seem to be saying to him: "You are an amazing person and a bright personality."

Rule number 4. Know how to listen.
Sadly, few people know how to really listen to the interlocutor - most often, especially in the heat of a dispute, we simply wait for our turn to speak out, without delving into what they are trying to convey to us. But the demonstration of attention is a powerful tool of influence.

Rule number 5. Talk about what interests your interlocutor.
Everyone has their own "horse". If you find the topic that excites your interlocutor, you will win him over. This also applies business communication, and the usual friendly conversations. Even if the topic does not seem particularly important to you, do not close yourself - try to listen and find out something valuable for yourself. No wonder the Chinese sages said that you can learn from the first person you meet.

Rule number 6. Sincerely demonstrate to the interlocutor his importance.
The key word here is "sincerely". Perhaps this is the most difficult part of the psychology of communication. People feel false, and even those who love flattery in all forms will smell something wrong if your enthusiasm is feigned. Look for something in everyone that really seems to you worthy of admiration, and honestly praise these character traits.

— The art of effective communication

Communication with people is an art. To master it, you need to know a lot of subtleties and have special skills, many of which, it would seem, are not related to communication. However, it is their presence that makes people brilliant speakers and interesting interlocutors. What will help us to “pump” our communication skills?

1) Observation.
Noting the features of behavior, appearance, facial expressions of the interlocutor, we can draw conclusions about what kind of person he is and in what style it is best to communicate with him. In addition, observation is closely related to memory - another important quality of a good interlocutor.

2) Memory.
The more information we remember about a person, the more successful our communication with him will be. If you remember everything that the interlocutor has told you, you will be able to demonstrate your interest in him. He will be genuinely flattered.

3) Broad outlook.
"Oh, I don't understand any of this!" After such words, few people want to continue their exciting story about football, healthy eating or the latest international news. You don't have to be a generalist to have an understanding of all aspects of life. Interesting interlocutors are not isolated in their world - they are interested in what is happening around and can keep up the conversation on any topic.

4) Sensitivity.
The ability to read the emotions of the interlocutor can be called sensitivity, although in fact it is one of the consequences of observation. Everyone can master this art - for everyday life it is enough to learn to see the basic emotions and know the basics of body language.

5) Constant training of communication skills.
The greater the number of people with whom we speak, the easier it is for us to find a common language with them. Look for opportunities to chat with strangers, people from all walks of life. social groups with those whose interests are markedly different from yours. Talking to strangers will make you a more flexible interlocutor.

— 10 invariable rules of contact in society

1) Call the person by name more often if you want to learn how to communicate. A proper name for a person is more pleasant than angelic chants.

2) Ask leading questions. Try to ask in such a way that it is difficult to limit yourself to a monosyllabic “yes” or “no”.

3) Don't be afraid to be a little provocative in conversation and feel free to ask about what you're really interested in if you want to communicate properly. However, we must remember that if you want to learn how to communicate, you must know that there are “forbidden” topics that it is right to raise only with a glass good wine with your best friend.

4) It is necessary to communicate with people correctly with their intonation and at their pace. You should not tire an elderly woman with a speech in which words fly out faster than bullets, and annoy a busy boss to horror with the manners of a "Turgenev" young lady.

5) Try to speak competently, clearly and firmly with people when you communicate. And for this you should at least understand a little about the subject of the conversation.

6) Work on your writing. Psychologists say that there is a direct relationship between writing and the ability to verbally express one's thoughts.

7) Moderately use facial expressions and gestures. You should not talk about a trip to the sea with a stone face, like a central television announcer, but waving your arms like a windmill is also not the best option.

8) You can communicate correctly only by delving into what the interlocutor says.

9) Trust people, be open. A neighbor may be harassing you with his endless repairs (and does he want to hammer a wall on Sunday morning?), but he may turn out to be a brilliant fitness trainer or an equally brilliant lawyer.

10) Be confident all to yourself.

The material was prepared by Dilyara specifically for the site

Secrets of communication skills - what affects the ability to communicate, how to overcome the fear of communication and become an interesting conversationalist?

Many people indicate such qualities as sociability, or the ability to communicate with other people, as their merits. However, in reality, it often turns out that their capabilities are limited to communication only in a certain company of persons close to them (relatives or friends), in front of whom certain rules of correctness may not be observed. For example, you can often see young people who, standing in a circle, express their thoughts and attitudes exclusively with the help of obscene language. At the same time, they can slap each other on the back, conduct a comic fight, laugh out loud and comment on the words of the interlocutors only with the help of short “obscene” words. When such people get into the company of people unfamiliar to them, their more than liberated behavior changes dramatically: they become squeezed, they cannot say almost anything intelligible. When communicating with people of the opposite sex, the same situation may arise, especially if the person you like does not speak in their usual manner, but has the ability to clearly and clearly express their thoughts without resorting to "strong" expressions.

What factors affect the ability to communicate with other people

Often there are situations when a person whom we know as positive in all respects, an excellent interlocutor, suddenly begins to behave in a slightly different way. He can be distracted, at times react aggressively even to the most trifling remarks and remarks, generally refuse to even maintain the appearance of a conversation and completely withdraw into himself. Insecure people usually perceive this completely at their own expense and begin to respond with the same aggression or leave the interlocutor.

The question arises, what's the matter? Before you start communicating with others, you need to distract yourself from any negative thoughts and states. If you yourself or your interlocutor got up on the wrong foot, all his charm can evaporate somewhere. Only an irritated grumbler will remain, who no longer inspires any warm feelings and with whom one simply does not want to be in the same room.

It happens that the interlocutors do not trust each other and the conversation in the company does not go well. Just sitting and looking at each other is not interesting, so someone takes the liberty of starting the conversation first. What is he doing? First of all, you need to get to know other people sitting around, give your name. A feeling of distrust arises if the person who started this process recognizes the names of other people present, but does not name himself at the same time.

Often the initiative in communication comes from one person.

Another nuance is to start or intervene in a conversation without relying on topics that are interesting and familiar to other people. Not knowing what others are talking about, you can get into trouble and then spend the rest of the evening angry at yourself and others for what happened.

The complete absence of any manifestations of emotions or, on the contrary, excessive emotionality, especially exaltation, also does not cause a desire to communicate with a person who demonstrates all this. One gets the impression that he is either too "frozen" in regards to expressing his feelings, or simply does not know when to stop if he shows his feelings. Both dramatically reduce the level of trust and the desire to communicate. Simulation of emotions, smiles and laughter out of place - these are clearly not the means that allow you to win over other people and create an atmosphere conducive to communication.

Have you ever seen how people who don't even know each other very well sometimes create interesting situations when they want to chat? They sit closer, but not so much that their communication looks too intimate from the outside. It is also difficult to imagine how you can interest another person in yourself, being at a distance of about 3-5 meters from him, and carry on a conversation on personal topics. On the other hand, if a completely unfamiliar person sits close to you, starts grabbing your hands, patting your shoulder or whispering annoyingly in your ear ... This behavior usually makes you want to quickly stop communicating and run away from your counterpart as quickly and as far as possible.

Or such a case when someone excitedly talks about something, not even paying attention to the reaction of others. At the same time, he accompanies his every word with immoderate gestures, annoying gazes, or does not look at anyone at all. One can only guess what desires ripen in the souls of those who were not lucky enough to be around ...

Failed Communication Experiences Can Make You Introverted

Summing up what has been said, we note that a person’s ability to communicate with others is influenced by factors such as:

• emotional state of interlocutors;
• common interests of those present;
• visual contact and distance between interlocutors;
• feeling of self-confidence;
• emotional involvement in the process of communication;
• the ability to listen to others.

How to learn to communicate with other people

Some people sometimes cause slight envy because they can easily communicate with those around them. It seems that the very possibility of approaching someone and starting a conversation with him is not difficult for them. And for others, the very thought of this seems simply frightening: what if this person says something that, after his words, you just want to fall through the ground? Or die on the spot?

It is often difficult to start a conversation

Let go of prejudice. Starting communication with another person, you need to abandon any ready-made attitudes and thoughts about him. It is various “cockroaches” like “what if”, “what if”, “God forbid” and so on that can already in the bud suppress your ability to see a person in front of you. A person, and not the label that you have put on him because of his appearance or behavior. Remember, no one is responsible for your load of failures or what you call your failure. You are also far from an angel, and other people have to put up with your shortcomings. Better turn your attention to positive traits the person you are talking to. As psychotherapists say, there are no flaws in a person, but there are peculiar virtues that you need to take a closer look at and learn to accept them.

Be confident. An important key to developing the ability to communicate with others is to be a confident person. Moreover, we calculate a person with such qualities intuitively. Such a person behaves without too much fuss, chooses words, is not afraid to look the interlocutor in the eye and express his emotions. At the same time, he does not stick out his knowledge and competence, speaks in the correct language, does not try to crush him with his status and authority. Before giving an answer, he takes a short pause, speaks measuredly and quietly, but not in a whisper.

Maintain eye contact and use feedback. Usually people who are known to be good conversationalists know how to listen to others. This is expressed in the fact that they not only listen, but also ask various clarifying questions and encourage the interlocutor. At the same time, they from time to time look into the eyes of the interlocutor, but do not use x-ray staring. Usually, a police gaze usually causes a desire to escape from such a deep dive into someone's inner world.

Learn to listen to your interlocutor

Do not decide for your interlocutor how to behave. Often in films on the topic of relations between men and women, a moment is played out when the cause of conflicts is shown - the inability to listen to another person. He talks about his, you talk about yours. Then everyone begins to accuse the other of inattention, but for some reason no one even thinks that their own egoism and wrong expectations regarding other people can be to blame for everything. In the sense that a person is more interested in his thoughts, feelings and relationships than other people from the immediate environment. It's like in a joke that a man, having gone into the bathroom to wash and shave, came out of there a divorced man in just five minutes. And all because the wife asked some question, answered herself, got angry, offended and ... finita la comedy.

Express your thoughts clearly and clearly. Learn to express your thoughts in an accessible and clear manner. Some people think that the omissions and the ability to read between the lines give a special flavor to the conversation. Usually, everything happens exactly the opposite: if someone does not fully understand what it is about, he begins to experience a feeling of irritation, boredom appears and a desire to simply retire somewhere else. Where everyone talks about understandable things and understandable language.

Avoid value judgments and be able to ask questions. It is also important to be able to avoid evaluative reactions like “Nonsense”, “Nonsense” or “You can think of it too!”. When the interlocutor receives such an assessment from a communication partner, he gets the impression that no one is interested in the questions that concern him. It awakens a sense of its own insignificance and inferiority. Whatever he says, you need to listen to him to the end. But do not bombard a person with an endless stream of questions, otherwise he will decide that he is under interrogation with prejudice, and will try to interrupt communication that is difficult for him.

Know how to manage the attention of the interlocutor. An important point that allows you to win over other people is the ability to control space and your body. This means that you need to be able to reduce or increase the distance between yourself and the interlocutor. For example, if you think the atmosphere is getting too high, it makes sense to use the excuse to leave the person alone with their thoughts for a while. You can disappear from his field of vision, but do not interrupt communication. You can ask questions or tell something, preferably with humorous overtones. It is better to switch the attention of the interlocutor to something else, to distract him in this way. For example, offer a cup of tea or coffee, offer sweets or fruits. The psychological meaning of this lies in the fact that a person switches from a verbal, mental or emotional channel to the level of sensations and tension decreases.

Expand your horizons and vocabulary. A person who knows how to express even the simplest things beautifully literary language immediately attracts attention. People begin to reach out to him simply out of a desire to communicate and listen. Remember how Dumas described the oldest of the musketeers - Athos? Despite his modest clothes, he immediately became the center of attention of any company. He was distinguished not only by his excellent manners, but also by his ability to keep up a conversation on any topic. He even surprised the king, who considered himself an expert in the field of falconry.

The most important - don't be afraid to communicate! Even if the answer is not the way you wanted, nothing terrible will happen to you personally. Negative result- also a result that gives life experience. But next time you will know that there are some nuances with which you need to be very careful. Without practice, any skill will atrophy by itself. Including the ability to say something ...