Spock and his children. General problems - library - Dr. Komarovsky. "Child and Care"

Child and care

Preface to the Russian edition (1970)

The fate of Dr. Benjamin Spock is unusual. The celebrated pediatrician, whose book The Baby and Care has sold 20,000,000 copies in the United States and serves as a desk guide for American mothers, has decided to take responsibility for how children raised with his advice act when they reach adulthood. .

Before his eyes is the Vietnamese adventure of the US ruling class.

Burnt towns and villages... destroyed crops... napalm-stricken children, women, old people... the cruelty of American soldiers... But the heroic people of Vietnam are not broken.

The whole world has seen with its own eyes that a people cannot be brought to its knees if it fights for its independence, for its freedom, for the happiness of its children.

Could a humanist, a pediatrician who devoted his whole life to protecting the health of children, get past the dirty war in Vietnam? And he becomes an active fighter for peace. He did not hesitate to declare that the war in Vietnam was hopeless from a military point of view, vicious from a moral point of view, and doomed to defeat from a political point of view. Isn't it scandalous that America spends crazy money on the war and does nothing to end poverty at home.

Dr. Spock, along with other progressive Americans, signs an appeal to the Americans, in which he declares his duty to provide moral support and material assistance to young Americans who refuse to join the army under threat of imprisonment. American lawyers publicly stated that Dr. Spock and his associates had the right to agitate against military service, since American citizens should not participate in an illegal and unjust war, and that they have the right to oppose their government waging such a war. Participation in it is a serious international crime.

Dr. Spock is about 70 years old. He travels all over the country, giving lectures, in which he tells not only about how to care for children, but also about how to save their lives, save them from death in the war. He speaks to those who raise children, uses his book, his advice.

Parents! Do your best to bring peace to Vietnam, urges Dr. Spock.

And his call is not fruitless. Young progressive America understands where the Vietnamese adventure of American monopolies is leading, and returns hundreds of their draft cards or publicly burns them.

The U.S. government was prosecuting Dr. Spock for conspiracy to induce U.S. youth to refuse to fight in Vietnam.

The American Humanist Association unanimously awarded Benjamin Spock the honorary title of Humanist of the Year for his tireless work against the war.

Such is Dr. Benjamin Spock, who, according to the world community, personifies the honor and conscience of America, and whose book we bring to the attention of the Soviet people.

Preface to the second edition (1971)

The first edition of B. Spock's book aroused great interest among the Soviet reader. This is explained by the fact that the problems of raising children concern people of all countries, of all ages. There is no person who would remain indifferent to this responsible and difficult task.

B. Spock is an American pediatrician with extensive life experience. He knows well what difficulties parents expect when raising children, what difficult questions arise in this case. This is how he begins his book: "Soon you will have a baby." Dr. Spock sets the task - to tell about how to raise a child, starting from the day of his birth. All parents are interested in how to ensure that the child is healthy, what needs to be done for this, what measures to take if he is sick, how to determine that he is unwell.

The author pays much attention, as it were, to trifles: how to find out why the child is crying, how to calm him down, how to feed him. But such trifles make up a complex of education, so advice is very valuable, especially for parents who have not previously encountered children.

Advice to parents to observe the formation of the child's psyche is very important. The book touches upon problems, gives recommendations to parents of "difficult" children.

Dr. Spock knows well that it is not enough to raise children, they must also be brought up correctly, one cannot cripple their vulnerable psyche. That is why he is so actively opposed to the aggression of the American imperialists in Vietnam, quite rightly believing that such a war can bring nothing but grief and misfortune to the families of both the Vietnamese and the Americans.

V. V. Kovanov Academician of the USSR Academy of Medical Sciences, Deputy Chairman of the Soviet Peace Committee, Professor

Dear Parents! Most of you have the opportunity, if necessary, to see a doctor. The doctor knows your child and only he can give you the most best advice. Sometimes he only needs a look and one or two questions to understand what is happening with your child.

This book is not intended to teach you how to diagnose or treat yourself. The author wants to give you only a general idea of ​​the child and his needs. True, for those parents who, due to exceptional circumstances, find it difficult to get to a doctor, some sections give advice on first aid. Better the advice of a book than no advice! But one cannot rely only on a book if one can get real medical help.

I also want to stress that everything in this book should not be taken too literally. There are no similar children, just as there are no similar parents. Diseases in children proceed differently; The problems of upbringing also take on different forms in different families. All I could do was describe only the most general cases. Remember that you know your child well, and I do not know him at all.

About parents

trust yourself

1. You know a lot more than you think.

Your baby will be born soon. Maybe he was already born. You are happy and full of enthusiasm. But if you don't have enough experience, you may be afraid that you won't be able to handle childcare. You have heard a lot of talk about raising children, you have read special literature on this topic, you have talked with doctors. The problem of caring for a child may seem too complicated for you. You find out how the child needs vitamins and vaccinations. One friend tells you that you need to start giving eggs as before, because they contain iron, and another that you have to wait with eggs, because they cause diathesis. You are told that a child can be spoiled if you take him in your arms often, and that, on the contrary, you need to caress him a lot. Some say that fairy tales excite the child, while others say that fairy tales have a beneficial effect on children.

Don't take too literally everything your friends tell you. Don't be afraid to trust your own common sense. Raising a child will not be difficult if you do not complicate it yourself. Trust your intuition and follow the advice of your pediatrician. The main thing that a child needs is your love and care. And it is much more valuable than theoretical knowledge. Whenever you pick up a baby, even if you do it awkwardly at first, every time you change his diaper, bathe him, feed him, talk to him, smile at him, the child feels that he belongs to you, and you to him. . No one in the world but you can give him that feeling. You may find it surprising that in studying child rearing methods, scientists have come to the conclusion that good, loving parents intuitively choose the most correct solutions. Moreover, self-confidence is the key to success. Be natural and don't be afraid to make mistakes.

Parents are people too

2. Parents have their own needs.

Books about child care, like this book, talk primarily about the many needs of a child. Therefore, inexperienced parents sometimes fall into despair, having read about the huge work that they have to do. It seems to them that the author stands on the side of the children and blames the parents if something goes wrong. But it would only be fair to dedicate as many pages to the needs of the parents, the failures they constantly face, their fatigue, the insensitivity on the part of the children that hurts the parents so painfully. Raising a child is long and hard work, and parents have human needs just like their children.

3. Children are "easy" and "difficult".

On July 14, 1946, Benjamin Spock's Common Sense Child Care appeared on the shelves of American bookstores. At the dawn of the third millennium, there is hardly a mother who does not know that a child should not be swaddled tight and not necessarily fed on a schedule. But in the middle of the 20th century, these "strange" advice of Dr. Spock became a real sensation ..

Common Sense Child Care was the title of a book that shook the world, and in the United States was second only to the Bible in popularity and became a reference book for new parents. For 55 years, "The Child ..." has gone through six reprints, has been translated into 42 languages, including Urdu (Iran and part of Afghanistan), Thai (Thailand) and Tamil (Sri Lanka), and the total circulation of the book has already exceeded 50 million copies.

The future adviser to all young parents was born in 1903 in New Haven (Connecticut, USA) in the family of a successful lawyer. Spock, a variant of the Dutch Spaak, is the family name of a family of settlers who settled in the Hudson River Valley. Benjamin's mother Mildred-Louise, a strict and domineering woman, accustomed to hiding her feelings, was the epitome of puritanism. One of the main authorities on "children's issues" in America was then considered Dr. John Watson. “Never, never kiss your child,” he severely punished young parents in The Psychological Education of the Infant and Child. It seems that Mildred-Louise was a diligent student of Watson.

Spock was the first to use psychoanalysis to understand the needs of children.

In addition, the pedagogical arsenal of the then parents, in the words of the Boston Globe newspaper, consisted of "obstinate manuals, judgments inherited from the Victorian era, the teachings of grandmothers and benevolent, but not always competent advice from neighbors, mothers-in-law and mothers-in-law." In protest against the methods of education practiced, in particular, in his family, after parting with childhood, Benjamin Spock wrote his book.

For most american dads and mum, the new “help” seemed to open a window from a stuffy room into a world of smells and colors. Even Mildred-Louise, after reading her son's essay, said: "Well, Benny, in my opinion, is quite good." And young mothers read The Child as a bestseller. “I have a feeling,” one of the readers admitted in a letter to the author, “as if you are talking to me, and most importantly, you consider me a rational being ...”.

The eldest of six children in the family, Benjamin had to learn in its entirety what the cares of a nanny are. “How many diapers have I changed, how many bottles of nipples have I brought!” He talked about his own childhood. No wonder Spock sympathized with mothers. And being in the war as a psychiatrist, he was shocked by how cynically she nullifies all parental efforts.

Up to 40 million children born in the 1950s and 1960s were brought up "according to Spock"

In 1943, he began a book on childcare "in the spirit of common sense": "Some young parents feel that they should give up all pleasures simply on principle and not on practical grounds. But too much self-sacrifice will not benefit you or the child. If parents are too busy only with their child, constantly worrying only about him, they become uninteresting for others and even for each other ... ".

Exactly common sense should become the basis child education, Dr. Spock argued: “If a baby is crying, comfort or feed him, even if the feeding schedule is disturbed. But do not rush to the baby headlong, as soon as he whimpers. If the child cannot or does not want to do something, do not force him ... ".

Admirers of Benjamin Spock argue that The Child and Care, written during the era of Franklin D. Roosevelt, reflected the common sense of Roosevelt's New Deal, which helped America not only survive the ordeals of the 20th century, but also become the strongest power in the world. . Opponents of upbringing “in Spokow's way” believed that he shook the Christian foundations of society: “The Bible teaches that a person is initially vicious. All bear the curse of original sin. Spock abandoned the Christian paradigm. The methods of education proposed by the doctor were based on allowing the child as much as possible.

Benjamin Spock himself said that he tried to bring to life the ideas of two major thinkers of the early 20th century - the founder of psychoanalysis Sigmund Freud, as well as the American philosopher and educator John Dewey, who believed that "it is not at all necessary to drive children into adulthood with the help of disciplinary methods - they may well become adults of their own free will. Children raised according to Dr. Spock's advice showed character as early as the 60s, going out to protest against the Vietnam War. And the doctor himself from the very first days of the war began to speak out against her. This threatened serious trouble for a respectable physician, but he deliberately took the risk: "There is no point in raising children, then to let them burn alive." In 1968, Benjamin Spock was found guilty of criminally assisting young men who evaded draft into the United States military. The doctor was threatened with two years in prison, but the court of appeal overturned the sentence.

In the USSR, Spock's book was published in 1956 and made a real revolution.

In general, maternal upbringing has affected the "adult life" of Dr. Spock. “I never kissed my sons,” he said. And the children must have suffered a lot. The youngest, John, admitted that he felt abandoned. The eldest, Michael, was also not enthusiastic about his father's pedagogy: “Our Ben always thought in extreme categories. Everything was either only bad with him, or only good ... And if I did something wrong, I could always fully feel how disapproving my father was of my act.

The doctor did not have a relationship with the mother of his children, Jane. According to people close to the Spock family, she was his first assistant in the preparation of the book, but she felt underestimated all the time. Mental discomfort resulted in Jane's alcoholism, which completely destroyed the marriage. In 1975, the couple divorced, and soon Mary Morgan, a woman 40 years younger than Spock, became Spock's companion.

The terrible blow came in 1983, when Spock's grandson Peter committed suicide at the age of 22, and it seemed to all family members that the doctor blamed them for not paying attention to the depression that pushed the guy to a disastrous step. How Benjamin Spock experienced what happened can be judged by his words: “We need to push work, career to the background, so that things are not above all for us, so that they do not take so much time, depriving us of the opportunity to communicate with the family ...”

Dr. Spock ran for President of the United States in 1972

Benjamin Spock died at his home in San Diego after suffering a heart attack, a stroke and six severe pneumonia shortly before his death. He was offered hospitalization, but Mary, knowing that her husband would not live out of the house for even two weeks, did not agree to this. Home health care bills were as high as $16,000 a month. Given that the family's annual budget was about $100,000, it was not possible to pay such bills. Therefore, Mary Morgan turned to friends and acquaintances for help. When the press broke the news, letters and money orders went out to Benjamin Spock.

“I hate with all my heart the atmosphere of state funerals,” the doctor wrote in his memoir Spock on Spock. “I hate the darkened room, people with long faces, silent, whispering or sniffling, assistant stewards trying unsuccessfully to portray grief ... My ideal is a Negro funeral in the spirit of New Orleans, when friends go dancing, snake to the sounds of a jazz band.”

529. When small children take other people's things.

This is not theft. They just really want to have this thing. They still do not properly distinguish between what belongs to them and what does not. There is no need to shame them for this and assure them that they did not do well. The mother should simply say that this is Petya's toy, that he will soon want to play with it himself, and you have many good toys at home.

530. What does stealing mean at a more conscious age.

When a child of 6-12 years old takes someone else's thing, he knows that he is doing something wrong. He will probably do this in secret, hide the stolen goods and deny his guilt.

When parents or a teacher catch a child stealing, they get very upset; their first desire is to pounce on the child with reproaches and shame him. This is natural: after all, we were all taught that theft is a serious crime. We get scared when our child steals.

It is important that the child is firmly aware that his parents do not approve of theft and insist on the immediate return of the stolen. But, on the other hand, it is unwise to bully such a child or pretend that you will never love him again.

For example, a seven-year-old boy, well brought up by conscientious parents, who has enough toys and other things and a little pocket money, steals. He probably steals small sums of money from his mother or comrades, pens from teachers or pictures from a neighbor in his desk. Often his theft is completely pointless, because he can have the same thing. Obviously, it's about the feelings of the child. He seems to be tormented by the need for something and he tries to satisfy it by taking things from others that he really does not need at all. What does he need?

Benjamin Spock is a famous pediatrician who wrote the wonderful book The Child and its Care in 1946. As a result, it became a bestseller. Few people know about Benjamin Spock himself, his biography and personal life. From this article you will learn all the details about the famous doctor.

Benjamin Spock: biography (briefly)

In New Haven, the family of the famous lawyer Ives Spock had six children. The eldest of them was born on May 2, 1903. It was Benjamin Spock, who had to help Mildred's mother Louise take care of her younger brothers and sisters. Therefore, he was used to raising children and taking care of them from an early age.

After graduating from high school, Spock entered the English language and literature. He liked to read a lot and was regularly engaged in self-education. Plus, he had excellent physical data, and he began to get involved in sports. Benjamin even in 1924 competed at the Olympic Games in rowing in France and won a gold medal. As a result, he became an Olympic champion and more than once pleased his family with his achievements.

Although Spock was well versed in languages ​​and literature, he dreamed of becoming a doctor. He succeeded. At Yale, he went to medical school and in 1929 became an aspiring physician. No one suspected that in the future he would be a famous not only doctor, but also a writer. That was Benjamin Spock. His biography is long, but we will touch on the most important moments from his life.

Childhood

Benjamin Spock's mother carefully watched the children and brought them up exactly as the family doctor advised. She did not give her babies sweets until at least 5 years old. It was believed that not only the teeth were spoiled, but also the internal organs of the child.

In the Spock family, all the children slept outside, under a canopy, regardless of the weather. The doctor said that from this the children become more resilient, stronger, have excellent health. Mildred Louise wouldn't let her play with the neighborhood kids. She asked for help around the house.

Benjamin Spock recalled his childhood with a certain regret. Indeed, instead of having fun with peers, riding slides and running around the streets, he had to change diapers, prepare bottles for his younger brothers and sisters, boil pacifiers, etc.

All six children were not afraid of their father, they always told him the truth and consulted in everything. But they were very afraid of my mother and constantly lied, because she punished them for the slightest offense. After such an upbringing, Benjamin became afraid not only of his parents, but also of teachers, policemen and even animals. As the future doctor recalls, he was brought up as a moralist and a snob. All his life he struggled with his character.

Spock spoke of his mother with fear and warmth at the same time. He said that his parent always knew what was best for her children, and she did not allow anyone to argue with her. When Benjamin was in school, his mother passed him to a boarding school. She liked that there the children slept in the fresh air in any weather.

Personal life

While Spock was in medical school, a very important event happened in his life. The future doctor brought home the bride. At first, the parents accepted the girl well. However, when Benjamin and his fiancée closed in the room, my mother tried to fake a heart attack. But the guy and the girl were very lucky that there was a father at home who protected them from the hysteria of the parent. Moreover, dad gave the student family $1,000 a year. Benjamin Spock's personal life was much more successful when he got married. After all, he could no longer obey his parents, but be an independent person.

Mildred Louise was very offended by her son that he decided to marry without her advice. So she decided to find out what family her daughter-in-law came from. It turned out that the father died of syphilis. However, the son, even after such a statement, did not take the side of his mother.

The moment came when Benjamin and his wife found out they were expecting a baby. However, the newborn died, and the mother could not remain silent, she expressed her opinion. She said that their sexual relationship leads to serious consequences because of Benjamin's father-in-law, who was infected with syphilis.

After such a statement, Benjamin and his wife stopped communicating with their mother and left for New York, where the first practice in pediatrics began.

Benjamin and his family

In fact, the young man had a psychological trauma since childhood. That is why in adulthood he was more demanding and cruel to his children. He had two sons, whom he loved madly, but could not show his tenderness. Benjamin Spock was a very strict father. His sons often avoided his company.

Once Spock admitted to reporters that he never kissed his children. He was sure that his mother's genes played an important role. The young man could not overcome himself, which is why his sons suffered greatly.

For a long time the family lived calmly and measuredly. However, there came a time when Spock became a very famous doctor. As a result, his wife became jealous of his fame and success, gradually began to drink too much. And in 1976, the family finally broke up. The doctor was then 73 years old, but he decided to marry again.

Less than a year after the divorce, Spock was ringed again. What is most interesting, his wife was 40 years younger, but she loved the old man. Although some claimed that she was drawn more to fame than to her husband. As it turns out, the fate of Benjamin Spock was not easy. After all, he had to struggle all his life with his complex and tough character.

Benjamin and sons

The children were very offended by their father, so they did not want to communicate with him, and he did not seek to become close to them. That is why everyone was on their own. The youngest son was named John, he became a famous architect. The elder Michael found his calling in medicine, and it turned out that he followed in his father's footsteps - he became a doctor.

Spock knew nothing of the fate of his sons. He did not even marry them, as custom required. After all, not a single son could ever forgive his father for his cruel attitude towards himself. However, it so happened that Spock began to communicate with the son of Michael, whose name was Peter. In it, he found an outlet and gave his unspent love only to his grandson.

In 1983, on Christmas Day (December 25), Peter committed suicide. He jumped off the roof of the museum. For a long time they could not find the reason for Peter's act. As a result, it turned out that the 22-year-old boy had advanced chronic depression, which he could not cope with. After this incident, Benjamin had a heart attack, which ended first with a heart attack, and then with a stroke. That's when son Michael tried to make peace with his father, but he accused him of his grandson's depression.

Why Spock became a pediatrician

In fact, initially Benjamin dreamed of the sea and wanted to become a doctor on the ship. However, even in his youth, the future doctor read a lot about the psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, who had a significant impact on his medical practice. It was then that Spock realized that many childhood illnesses do not come on their own. Much depends on upbringing and lifestyle. Then he decided to become a pediatrician.

When the young doctor Benjamin Spock began to accept children, he meticulously asked parents how they raise babies. In the end, he made his own conclusion. It turns out that it is necessary to educate parents first, not children. When mom and dad learn the right behavior, then they will be able to communicate with the kids.

What Spock taught his parents

The novice pediatrician claimed that the child is a person. You can't insult him, especially in public. The doctor taught parents the basics of upbringing, asked them not to force the child to help around the house. After all, I experienced this nightmare.

At that time, many parents believed that children should already be early age prepare for a tough adult life. Spock urged them not to take their childhood away from their little ones and chase after the army schedule. After all, many feed strictly on schedule, all sorts of whims are suppressed with the help of punishment. This cannot be done, since the baby closes in on himself from early childhood, his psyche is disturbed.

Apparently, because Spock tried to educate his parents, he had fewer and fewer patients. Although journalists wrote about him all the time. As a result, the young doctor decided to write his first small book about the psychological aspects of pediatrics.

Education system

Since the doctor was deprived of maternal love, and he himself suffered that he could not give tenderness to his sons, he wrote a wonderful book called "The Child and Care for Him." Benjamin Spock's upbringing system is built on parental love, and more on maternal love.

The doctor argued that the behavior of the baby is completely dependent on adults. If he was born, he is constantly punished for the slightest offense, the child in the future becomes a psychologically unhealthy person. From here come depression, suicide and much more.

The pediatrician urges parents to love their children and forgive them everything. After all, no problem is worth children's tears. The stick and the carrot is the ideal parenting system. Be sure to pay as much attention to your little ones as possible, and in the future they will repay you in the same way.

Benjamin Spock: books

The first edition of the doctor was called " Psychological aspects pediatric practice. Here he told his parents about the psychoanalyst Freud, arguing that parents should know about his teachings in order to properly educate and raise their kids.

Spock also published a book, A Conversation with Mother. In it, he teaches parents to properly communicate with the child, monitor health, temper. In the same book, the basics of caring for babies are written.

The book "The Child and His Education" talks about After all, many parents still treat their crumbs incorrectly. That is why it will be useful for both mom and dad to read it.

In each book, the doctor focuses on the careful upbringing and care of babies. Do not forget that he went through such a school from childhood and can teach children to understand from an early age.

Another great book written by Benjamin Spock is The Child and Care. It was released in two parts and became a bestseller. This book is still used all over the world today. It contains many entertaining sayings and wise advice that Dr. Benjamin Spock offered. “Child and Care for Him” is a book that teaches parents how to properly not only raise babies, but also feed them, temper them, entertain them, communicate, etc.

The first edition was published in 1946. It began with the lines that no one knows a child better than his parents. The doctor urged to trust only himself and his intuition, and not run around the doctors.