I want a long and happy marriage. And what is the secret of a long and happy family life? Happy relationships with exes

Remember how L. Tolstoy in the famous work "Anna Karenina" - All happy families are alike, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

AT recent times very often I hear from friends, I read posts on another site about divorces. Somehow, massively, people cross out their life together and disperse in different directions. And it seems that love was crazy, and they live in abundance, and they have children, but family life does not add up. That's why it happens? Why can't people live their whole lives together?

But before there were not so many divorces. What happened in our time? Maybe our values ​​have changed?

I would like to tell you a little about my family. No, don't think it's far from perfect. And I have no effective ways how to do it.

We have been together with my husband for almost 12 years (I sometimes can’t believe it myself), of which 7 years have been officially married. We started dating when I was 19, my husband was 20. And a month later they started living together. In principle, we did not have a candy-bouquet period, we immediately started "" into the family.

Like every family, we have gone through a lot of hardships. We quarreled, reconciled, slammed the door, did not talk (although for 40 minutes maximum). And then they sat down at the negotiating table and solved the problem that had arisen. And at such moments, the happy moments of our lives were remembered. And we understood that no matter how hard it is for us to be with each other, we cannot be apart. Could this be true love?

And now I want to highlight the important, in my opinion, components family life:

- love! It is very important for me that a family is created on the basis of mutual love of spouses. And it seems to me that love does not disappear over the years. It takes on other forms, and definitely becomes stronger;

- respect! Even in the most serious quarrels, you should not say hurtful words to each other. You will make peace, and the sediment in the soul will remain. You need to have respect for the opinion of your soul mate;

- loyalty! I am an owner by nature and do not intend to share my husband with anyone. And I don't change myself. For me, cheating is a kind of disrespect. On the topic of cheating, I already created a post;

- compromises! Everyone has their own character, their own point of view. And it is very important for spouses to give in to each other. It is only important that each of them understand and do this;

- common interests! Spouses should be interested in each other, they should have common interests, so that there is something to talk about!

- your space! And this absolutely does not contradict the previous paragraph. No matter how pleasant each other's company is, sometimes it is important to change the situation. Husband go fishing, wife go shopping with her friends.

This is the smallest part of what I wanted to write about.

Let's discuss this topic! Tell us about your family, share your secrets of family happiness!

And some of our photos

Before you connect your life with this or that person, be sure to find out everything about him or her. You may be interested in a variety of points - from hereditary diseases to relying on your potential soulmate of the inheritance. Most importantly, ask yourself if you can live your whole life with this person. In the biography of your future spouse, by the time you get married, there should be no dark spots left for you.

The key concept for creating a happy couple, without a doubt, can be called fidelity. If you are going to connect your life with this person, tune in to loyalty to him. If you haven’t “worked up” yet, it may be worth postponing marriage. Most people consider fidelity to be the key to happiness in a couple.

Appreciate your husband or wife. Indulge, compromise, give little cute gifts ... A quarrel is better than a tense silence that gradually undermines a marriage, but a calm discussion of the problem is better than a quarrel. Be sure to clarify all conflict issues and put up. You should not go to bed in a quarreled state, because grievances only grow stronger over time, which means that in the morning it will be much more difficult to put up. If you find it difficult to compromise, imagine that your significant other has disappeared. If you really appreciate your loved one, after that it will not be so difficult for you to be the first to offer a truce.

If a couple has problems, go to a therapist or attend a couples seminar.

Do not let everyday life break family comfort!

Domestic problems have separated many strong couples. You should start fighting them from the very beginning. life together. Share the responsibilities, buy household appliances(from the vacuum cleaner to the dishwasher), take care of the house together. If both you and your half work, such a separation of duties is simply necessary. Despite the stereotypical idea that a woman should run the house, in modern world where a significant proportion of women work on an equal footing with men, women have earned the right to rest. Therefore, the division of responsibilities will greatly simplify your joint existence.

To keep relationships healthy and strong, don't use sex as a manipulative tool.

Mutual support in a couple is the key to success. Instead of nag or reproach your spouse, support, reassure, something. It is very important to listen carefully to each other in difficult days.

sex life- an indispensable component of a happy relationship. At the very beginning, there are usually no problems in this regard, but over time, marital sex becomes boring, becomes monotonous and boring. Unfortunately, in the sexual sphere, everything just doesn’t get better. Buy erotic lingerie, read about role play, take the lead. There is a lot of literature on the web on this subject.

Often we expect that family happiness will come with buying an apartment, a car, getting a good new job or additional education. No. We must be happy now and with what we have.

2. Be grateful and tell your loved one about it

Generates happiness. Even in the most ordinary things, find reasons to be grateful. And most importantly, do not forget to express it. That magic word “thank you” actually works wonders, and we need to use it more often in marriage. “Thank you for what you do for me”, “Thank you for fixing the faucet”, “Thank you for being so sweet”, “Thank you for a delicious dinner” - look for reasons to be grateful, and you will find them.

3. Trust each other

A marriage tormented by jealousy will not last long. Trust your spouse and don't give reasons to distrust you.

4. Avoid fights

Quarrels over trifles are the biggest pitfall of marriage. Feel the approach of a quarrel - cool down: take a walk, take a shower, rest. When the emotions subside a bit, you can talk calmly.

5. Show your love physically

Touch each other, hug, hold hands. Healthy sexual relationships are very important, but don't just focus on them. Any abuse does not lead to good. It destroys romantic love and the natural beauty of intimacy in marriage.

6. Be honest when it comes to finances

Marital happiness is impossible if there is misunderstanding, especially when it comes to money.

7. Surprise each other

Do something unexpected: leave a note in your pants pocket; give a flower when you meet her from work; make a small gift; arrange an unexpected romantic dinner or send an SMS with a declaration of love.

8. Compliment each other

Tell us how you like the smile, character, voice, eyes, hair of your loved one. That you appreciate him as a great parent for your child or as a professional at work. Your loved one needs to know that you admire them.

9. Support each other

Support each other in personal and professional projects, on days of illness, sadness or weakness. Help. Marriage is like a long journey in a fragile boat: if one passenger starts to rock it, the second must keep it afloat, otherwise both will drown.

10. Move in one direction

Happiness in marriage is possible only if the spouses have the same outlook on life, similar values ​​and interests, behavior and goals.

11. Stay who you were when you dated.

At the beginning of a relationship, we are all amazing, attractive and do thousands of things to show our partner the best of our qualities. After some time, an understanding comes of what kind of person is actually next to us, what his shortcomings are, how he behaves in different situations. It is natural for mature relationships to develop into marriage.

But after the wedding, some calm down and do not consider it necessary to try to please a loved one. Suddenly feel that most of the time the houses can look untidy, rude and grumpy. Of course, it is difficult to keep the body and face the same as in youth: age and gravity are merciless. Nevertheless, much can be done to stay in a decent physical, moral and emotional state. A good marriage is a perpetual motion.

12. Talk

Talking solves problems.

13. Forget selfishness

Concern for the well-being of a partner is one of the most important points in achieving family happiness. Put selfishness aside and try to take care of your partner the same way you take care of yourself.

14. Be faithful in thought, word and action

Happiness is a subtle matter. How often marriages have failed because one of the spouses fell in love with someone and could not get it out of his head. And in the end it ended in a serious mistake. Feel the danger - run from the temptation.

There are always three fools in treason.

Carlos Drummond de Andrade (Aeroporto Carlos Drummond de Andrade), poet

15. Ask for forgiveness and forgive

We are all imperfect. If you make a mistake, do not waste time, sincerely ask for forgiveness as soon as possible. And when a loved one hurts your feelings - forgive him. For a full life for both spouses, it is important to be able to ask for forgiveness and forgive.

In other words, main secret a happy marriage is to do good, to be wise in words, actions and thoughts. Treat your partner the way you want them to treat you. And if you want to realize how a word or decision will affect your marriage, imagine yourself in the place of a partner, and you will understand how to act.

Every family wants to be happy so that their relationship is sincere, tender and trusting for many years. The wife wants her husband to be affectionate, attentive, kind and make surprises like in the first romantic days of their relationship. The husband wants his wife to trust him, admire his talents, support him in all his affairs, and, of course, be a good housewife.

How to achieve harmony in family relationships how to be happy in marriage?

Psychologists believe that for a happy life together, only seven rules must be observed.

Rule 1: Husband and wife look in the same direction

Happy families go through life in the same rhythm, as if performing tango. Three conditions help them become one. First, the community of interests, feelings, ideas and memories. Secondly, the ability to compromise. Thirdly, mutual support in all spheres of life.

Say out loud more often: “We are one family”, “We are together”, “We are a team!” Base your marriage on the words of the talented psychologist Leo Buscaglia: “I have four arms, four legs, two beautiful bodies and two heads. And I also have double the ability to rejoice, love and admire.

Rule 2: trust each other in everything

Happy couples value the opportunity to freely and calmly discuss any problem with a partner without fear of damaging the relationship. Their relationship is primarily based on trust. And they admit that they came to this thanks to their skills: . talk. listen. understand. observe. remember. Each of these skills is extremely important in order for taboos to disappear in communication.

How to put it into practice

Do an experiment. After listening to your spouse, pause, and then ask: “Do you really think that ...?” If your interpretation does not match the meaning that he put into his words, a couple of phrases will give him the opportunity to explain to you again what he said. And if a partner tells you one thing, and in his eyes you read something completely different, answer this way: “You say this, but I can see in my eyes that something is not right here. Or I'm wrong?"

Rule 3: respect for each other

At first, spouses try their best to be polite and caring. But over time, they show respect towards friends and acquaintances much more often than towards each other. A man opens the door to let a complete stranger in, but forgets to do the same for his wife. The woman politely thanks the waiter for giving her a fork, and at home she “orders” her husband: “You’re still standing nearby, give it.” Where did the word "please" suddenly disappear?

How to put it into practice

Write down all the special qualities, talents and skills that your spouse is endowed with. Spend a few of your days looking closely at that special person you once married. Find in him unique abilities and qualities that make him indispensable for you and others.

Rule 4: a healthy lifestyle is the fortress of your family

Happy couples know that their state of mind and mood can be controlled with healthy food, exercise and attentive attitude to your appearance. What you eat affects how you feel. And how you feel affects how you interact with the outside world. Rethink your diet in favor of healthy foods!

Review your home wardrobe. Is it really necessary to watch TV in this old sweater? After all, if friends came to you, you would be more attentive to what to wear. Right? You will be surprised how different you will feel when you try to apply this new rule in your life together.

How to put it into practice

For three weeks, write down everything you and your spouse ate, at what time, under what circumstances, and how you felt afterwards. By the way, if you keep a food diary together, it will be easier for you to understand how food affects your relationship.

Rule 5: the foundation of the family is the overall budget

Financial difficulties often lead to conflicts, which, in turn, destroy relationships. All money earned in happy couples is always considered "total". It is very sad when spouses start using separate accounts, each spending their own. This approach indicates a lack of trust in the family, the spouses almost openly declare to each other: “I don’t believe you.”

Here are some important rules that help build financial trust in the family:

Always openly discuss your financial situation;

Open a joint bank account;

Pay bills together. It is not necessary to stand nearby, but it is necessary to inform the partner about purchases;

Never make any major acquisitions without discussing them with your spouse;

Agree on how much and on what each person can spend daily.

How to put it into practice

Consult with the accountant of the company you work for, or just with experienced friends. Most financial problems are solvable! The main thing is not to rely on chance.

Rule 6: caresses and gentle touches

Touch is the "morse code" of love. Researchers note that when spouses say something special about their other half, they often touch each other. Touch becomes something like an exclamation point for them.

How to put it into practice

If you are next to your spouse - touch him. Gently embrace, run your hand along the back. And be sure to tell him how you like it and how nice the return touch will be.

Rule 7: properly organize and diversify your leisure time

Variety is the main condition for a happy and long marriage! Yes, that's right, stability is also the key to a successful union, but some couples are so desperate to be predictable that their relationship becomes a model of ... marital boredom. Flowers for no reason, new kinds of hobbies, romantic messages and a sudden change of plans - that's what will help you.

How to put it into practice

Get creative with cooking interesting ways serving new dishes. Why not pack a picnic basket in the middle of winter and take it to dinner... right in the bedroom?

Of course, this is just part of the components of a happy family life. Surely each of you has your own secrets. Share your secrets of a happy family life with our readers by leaving a comment. We will be grateful to you.

The strength of the relationship between lovers is tested by time. Similar tastes and views will not be enough to live a long life together.

Before deciding to connect life with a person, check if you can do the same in a couple of decades. Psychologists offer couples 10 characteristics with which they can find out their attachment to each other.

1 Your trust. You must learn to trust your partner, not listen to gossip, justify the trust of a loved one. Strong relationships are much easier to build if you have a building block of trust in your foundation.

2. Your respect. Feelings in which you plunge headlong subside over time, and often new details of your partner's character begin to emerge. Think about it, are you ready to connect your life with a person about whom you know nothing? Hormonal attachment, sexual desire and adoration will not be sufficient characteristics to create a strong family for life.

3. Your friendship. This point in the relationship is no less important. You should be not only in love, but also the most devoted friends for each other. You will support your partner not only in joy, but also in grief. Think about whether you are ready for such sacrifices, would you leave your soul mate if she starts having problems?

4. Your sense of humor. All people are different, and for sure you have seen more than one union that could be described as strange. Humor helps you to be on the same wavelength, prolongs the happiness of living together and makes it possible to treat life's difficulties with humor.

5. Your independence. Another building block of a strong bond is the independence of both partners. You should have personal space and hobbies, the opportunity to walk with friends and spend time separately from each other, without ceasing to trust your partner.

6. Your empathy. You must literally feel your partner. To be able to put yourself in his place and understand the cause of his sadness, problems. Also, empathy will help you put your partner in the first place, understand him perfectly, share experiences. Empathy is a subtle matter, in which two lovers even remain silent comfortably in each other's company.

7. Your passion. In a relationship, passion is not the last place. But over time it goes away. Are you ready to excite each other for many years, to continue to see in your partner not just a neighbor, but a person for whom you have passion and desire?

8. Your maturity. Are you ready to build your relationships not as teenagers, but as adults? Do not call names and do not blame each other, but be able to compromise? If you can calmly discuss problems and find a common solution, open to dialogue, then your relationship will last a long time.

9. Your communication. You must be able to communicate, speak directly to your partner about your preferences, be able to listen to your loved one. Communication is an effective weapon that helps keep your love alive for years to come.

10. Your love. This feeling should be the best motivation for you to maintain and develop your relationship. Mutual love should become the fundamental principle so that your couple can survive all the hardships, maintain a wonderful microclimate of your personal life.

Do not forget that you must fight bad habits, change for the better for the sake of your beloved. Relationships in couples are a job for two, which helps you get to know each other better, fall in love with your chosen one again and live, radiating positivity.