Get rid of the woman you love. Voluntary renunciation of a serious relationship. Why is denial of sex so offensive

The number of men avoiding sex is increasing every year. The head now hurts not with us, but with them. Increasingly discussed in secular circles amazing stories about rich lovers whose courtship stubbornly does not end in bed. What is it - a reaction to stress or a new trend of targeting?

The clever Socrates said that male libido can be described as the state of a man chained to a madman. If this is the case, then it must be admitted that Lately the madman's condition has stabilized and he is not drawn to violence at all. Surveys of men aged 18 to 58 in the US show a significant decline in their interest in sex. The Ipsos research center among Canadians also notes the same, and the international dating service Relate in its statistics even reports that the number of their male clients who have refused sexual contact has almost doubled.

And no, all these people do not experience any problems with potency. They just don't want to.

Firsthand

Shadows disappear at midnight

Lesya, 30 years old, journalist

Among the girls who have their own hairdresser, massage therapist, beautician, trainer, consultant at the Central Department Store, but do not have (temporarily!) a boyfriend, there is a fresh and chilling legend about amazing guys who take a phone number, call back with pressure, promise a lot ...

But then they do it.

The first horror story about “a black-black guy who made a terrible date in the dark with black-black sex, and then suddenly merged” I heard about a year ago from one of my friends. This girl knows how to dance tango, always wears heels, dyes her hair in the shade of “ripe rye, shimmering in the sun with redness”, and has such breasts ... In short, after her visits, I walk around the apartment for another week, casually pressing this towel to my chest, then plate, I don't want any comparisons.

So it was to her that I gave the phone number of one dentist - a rare handsome man. There were rumors that the doctor was too lean on clients in the process of healing (directly and in figuratively), but I attributed all this only to the peculiarities of his charm. He was sweet, quirky, divorced, and didn't hurt.

He found a common language with my friend after about two fillings. Light flirting turned into something special. If you've listened to drum and bass music, you'll understand what I'm talking about. This flirtation consisted entirely of bass and drums. But there was one oddity there - a kind of rudeness and hints that maybe the girl knows a lot about harmless flirting, but definitely not in adult affairs. They are, frightening to say, too tough for her.

And then she figured that the challenge must be accepted, and, it seems, she will have to do without a romantic dinner (Muscovites generally do not like to dine after six in the evening). He began to hint at a date, and she invited the guy to play doctor at her house. And then something happened that does not happen even in very bad films - he quickly said that he needed to walk with his son. And his mother got sick. And when he walks everyone and cures, he will call. Very soon, in two weeks. And gone forever. She and I laughed about it. With the hope that life will put everything in its place.

Life began to put everything in its place at the speed of a mad housewife. One friend told me about a boyfriend who attacked her for a month. And when, finally, he lured me to an expensive restaurant, fed, watered, made me laugh and charmed me, he simply put me in a taxi and fell through the ground. Then we were told about an old friend who unexpectedly began to look after her, and, taking advantage of the girl’s helpless mohito state at a corporate party, gave her a half-hour kiss-session, after which her friend’s eyes opened. Wide. And she invited him to visit. And he said that one of these days. In short, they are great friends again. And no dirt!

There is approximately one scenario: an unambiguous flirtation of two free people, turning into a cynical dynamo.

Of course, such rubbish happens with us too, but we admit: if a man falls short of the condition of the “correct Moscow groom”, then they can most likely rape him on a date.

By the way, it is easy to determine the “correct Moscow fiance”. The right Americans look energetic and curious, the French are interested and disposed, the British look full of surprises, and the Swede's appearance promises healthy offspring. In Moscow, a man should have such a look, as if his stomach hurts a little. The look is sour, self-centered, gastritis. This person knows his own worth very well and is afraid of excessive attention.

And now this person stops looking at you with a look of heartburn, and looks at the usual, masculine. He is ready to flatten you against the wall, break the bed with you, he does not bite, he laughs and looks into your eyes. Why then disappears without explanation? There are versions? I have several.

Maybe it was unfree person? Decided to forget that he is, let's say, "family jeep-SUV", and imagine that he is a daring sports car. And he decided not to talk about this to his new acquaintance - otherwise it would not be funny.

Maybe it was impotent man? They also want to lead someone by the nose every five years.

Maybe it was tired man? Who lives according to Montaigne: “Both desire and possession are equally painful to us. The chastity of mistresses is unbearable; but their excessive accessibility and pliability, to tell the truth, is even more intolerable. This is because vexation and irritation arise from a high appreciation of what causes our desire, for it sharpens and inflames love; however, having enough gives rise to coldness in us, and passion becomes sluggish, dull, tired, dormant. How many, however, Montaigne has a lot of vile epithets for this business ... That is, to put it simply, a man cheers himself up by hunting, but, so to speak, he is of little interest in game. When a girl becomes available, he cools down. Plus, he's a vegetarian.

Maybe it's the man who afraid of responsibility? Oh yes, if in all respects a beautiful guy in his thirties is lonely, he is most likely afraid of responsibility. Here he feels some sympathy for a great girl, now she is ready to give him ... a chance, and then he thinks: “Damn! She's a great girl and it's time for her to get married. But it's not time for me. Hang up."

Most likely, representatives of the above categories play the game “date rape-backwards”. And this game makes the girl think: “Something is wrong with me, there are problems with me. He ran away when I was ready for anything.” This thought leads to stupid mistakes.

And as for my friend, to be honest, there was violence on a date. A certain ideal He once again brought the ideal Her to a boiling point with his flirting and once again said that he urgently needed to go. And then she, a beauty, similar to Charlize Theron both in appearance and height, attacked him right in the kitchen. And he did not resist, although he tried to fight back. But after that, he ran away forever, and she laughed after him, because the situation was stupid, and the sex was terrible.

Here is the secret. The sex was terrible because this man was just... never going to go through with it. None of them were going to. Never. They may or may not be aware of this, but their goal was simply to increase their temperature. This is also a little rape - flirting. When a beautiful and, in fact, an outsider is ready to throw herself at you, and you just say no and take your winnings. This game is safe and makes you slightly dizzy. Yes, it can be an independent value today, without any extensions. Just.

Don't believe? Find the perfect Moscow groom and look into his eyes.

Strong woman crying at the window

Julia, 34 years old, marketer

When this story began, I was 20 years old, I studied and worked part-time in a Moscow publishing house. At that time, I treated men like trams: if one left, you should wait a little and the next one will appear. And, I must say, my theory did not differ from practice. However, there is an exception to any rule, and this very exception was the incredibly beautiful, educated and charming Seryozha, who brought his manuscript to the publishing house.

At first I liked the way he looked, then I begged for his story for the evening and realized that I also like the way he thinks and writes. Seryozha didn’t waste any time either, made inquiries about me, came under a false pretext to my boss, called me for a smoke and invited me for a cup of coffee.

Two days later, I was with him visiting his friends, where we had our first extreme and rough sex in the bathroom. On the washing machine, between talking about Sartre and Fellini.

It hasn't happened to me yet. I fell in love. Then there was a two-week romance with walks around Moscow, martini liters and passionate kisses in the chill-outs of different clubs. I moved from my parents to his rented apartment. The first year of our life together passed like a honeymoon. He is 10 years older than me, more educated, and, of course, his life experience is incomparable to mine. But the writer's career did not work out, and he did not consider it possible to do something else. We barely had enough money, from an apartment in the center, which a friend rented to him for three kopecks, we moved to the outskirts of the city - a friend was tired of doing charity work.

I wanted everything - travel, restaurants, good clothes. Seryozha wore the same sweater for the fifth year, which, as I began to guess, I bought him former wife for your salary. What was I to do? I have completed my diploma and with the head plunged into work. Six months later, I began to earn normal money, two years later, I became a boss for the first time. Relations with Seryozha developed in the opposite proportion: the more independent I became, the more jealousy I aroused.

Scandals became commonplace, and we completely forgot about sex.

Or rather, I haven't forgotten. Regularly, going to bed, I made attempts to start the process, but ... Seryozha said, as in jokes, that he had a headache, that he was very tired, or referred to a large amount of work. He kissed me on the forehead, turned to the wall or went to the kitchen. At first I was offended. Then I began to look for flaws in myself. Then I blew up the Internet, studying the word "impotence". I began to act decisively, perhaps too much. I found the clinic's phone number and handed it to him. Seryozha looked at me with the eyes of a hunted animal and refused to go anywhere. I remember the next two years as torture: I masturbated, lying at his side, cheating and came at five in the morning, crying into a pillow. Nothing changed from this. We broke up, and now, looking back, I understand that it was not necessary to nag him for lack of money, to dirtyly pester him and announce the diagnosis as a sentence. Now I want to become flexible, I want to learn how to pretend that I am weak.

Very conscientious parents

Igor, 42, owner of a network of car dealerships

My wife believes that the reason for everything is that I was born in Rostov-on-Don. In the south of Russia, mothers do not devote boys to the peculiarities of female physiology, do not leave boxes of tampons in a conspicuous place, and do not walk around the house half-naked, as in the intelligent families of St. Petersburg. I lost my virginity early, and in my hometown pretty quickly ruined everything that moves. Especially not considering how and what the girls do there.

Then I moved to St. Petersburg. Married at 30. For great love - no fools. To be honest, I was also not the first with my wife, but we didn’t talk about the past, because it doesn’t matter at all. When she became pregnant, she was blown away - some acquaintances persuaded her to take courses in conscious parenthood. Together with me, because I am a father, and we are, in their expression, "both pregnant." At these lectures, I was dying of boredom, dozing and missed the moment when my wife was persuaded to give birth at home, in the bath, with the help of the leader of these same courses, the “spiritual midwife”, who, as it turned out later, was entitled to a very material fee. When my wife started giving birth, she made me assist. She really wanted me to be present at the birth - she was told that in this way I would be more attached to the child. What nonsense! This is my son, and in any case, I would love him more than anyone in the world!

The fact is that after that birth, I cannot sleep with the mother of my child. I saw a bunch of bloody rags. And now my body does not understand how it is possible to enter where the baby's head came from.

I love my wife, we share a bed, we kiss, but sex is last years we had three or four times - we were both drunk then, and he didn’t give us much pleasure. I don’t cheat on her (although my erection hasn’t gone anywhere) - firstly, laziness, and secondly, I’m afraid to catch an infection. As far as I understand, this situation also suits my wife. We talked about it with her. I said that I was categorically not ready to see all her "women's affairs." And she objected that there is another reason - we both got tired of sex. How annoying is the music that a teenager listened to - for an adult, all this wallowing in bed seems naive. And very predictable - in one position or another, but it is, in fact, always the same.

Doesn't have a headache

Many experts were quick to blame the women themselves for the current situation. In the countries of victorious feminism, the role of tender girlfriends has changed so dramatically that it has led to a conflict with the main ideas of men about sexuality. Strong, independent and free women shook the cult of the male so much that he lost faith in his abilities (

IN modern society full of self-sufficient people who do not need a serious relationship.

Many ladies who have experienced a divorce from their spouse do not strive to create a new unit of society, fearing an unhappy life in a new marriage. In extreme cases, they refuse relationships because of their unwillingness to please and please, wash and cook "some kind of guy." Men do not lag behind, in whom the rejection of relationships sometimes develops into some kind of mania. There are representatives of the stronger sex who represent all girls and women as exclusively greedy and hypocritical personalities (“they only need money”, “do not expect anything good from women”). As a result, there are wealthy, smart, skillful people who tend to meet with representatives of the opposite sex “without obligations”. The main explanation here is “it's easier this way”. Why is this happening?

Where does relationship reluctance come from?

Most often, the reason for abandoning the search for a partner and further happy marriage is unsuccessful relationships with former spouses or lovers.

It is not surprising that, having survived, for example, the betrayal of her husband, a woman will not believe all the representatives of the stronger sex in the future. A man who has suffered in a relationship from his chosen one (tantrums, constant suspicions, reproaches, etc.) will not be eager to build a family again and plunge into the old relationship model. On the contrary, he will begin to suspect every passing woman of the same sins that his wife had.

But no matter how whole and happy a person is alone with himself, he will need a more or less intimate connection with another person. Even those who say that they do not need a serious relationship would hardly refuse an ideal (according to their parameters) partner. A person, of course, can exist without love, build a career and work to achieve personal goals. And it's wonderful! However, the emptiness in the sphere of personal relationships will still make itself felt sooner or later. To understand how to build relationships correctly, you should start painstaking work on yourself.

Rejection of a relationship or the right behavior in a new one?

If you realize that living for yourself is normal, and now you don’t intend to enter into a serious relationship, but “someday later” you don’t mind tackling the issue, start small now. Below you will find a number of recommendations that allow you to create strong, healthy bonds between people.

It is not necessary to consider each new partner as a contender for your hand and heart. Just chat and have fun.

These recommendations and build healthy interpersonal relationships between two people who love each other. You will be able to abandon those patterns of behavior that inevitably lead you to frustration, disappointment and neurosis.

Stop comparing your new partner to your previous one

If the former cheated on you, you should not suspect the entire male population of the country of infidelity. If some kind of sweetheart was distinguished by a scandalous character, it is not necessary to see in every woman a person with an unstable psyche. And you should not compare past relationships with the present. Even if there was a bad experience in past relationships, take advantage of it. Bad relationships harden any person.

Don't lose yourself

This advice is especially valuable for women. Dissolving in a partner, giving up your desires, you will soon again be left with a broken heart. You can love, be near, participate in the fate of the chosen one, but you don’t need to become his shadow. From the very beginning of a relationship, set clear boundaries for what is permitted, do not allow your desires to be pushed into the background.

Don't expect the impossible from a new partner

Accept that every living person has their own shortcomings. Do not try to demand everything from a new chosen one or chosen one at once. Don't try to "fit" it to you. It is clear that ideally we all want to be close to a kind, intelligent, attractive, attentive and generous partner. But we do not live in a fairy tale. Therefore, do not try to discern in the person you like those features that he does not have. In addition, remember that the chosen one does not have to be the same in character as you. For example, you are very emotional, but you should not expect frenzied passions from your partner, if by nature he is a secretive and withdrawn person.

Do not expect him to be ready to solve all your problems

There are couples where one of the spouses is constantly responsible for the other. Remember that your problems are not always the problems of your new lover. Do not be offended if the chosen one (or chosen one) does not want, for example, to listen to complaints about colleagues for hours. Understand correctly if a loved one does not want to go to visit your relatives who treat him negatively.

Learn to discuss all the exciting issues calmly

Shouts, reproaches, and even more silence will not lead to the successful development of relations. Respect both yourself and your partner. Rolling into tantrums, you definitely will not come to anything good. Silence in a couple is also unacceptable. It’s better to say what exactly worries you, try to figure out together how to resolve the situation. Learn to compromise. It is not difficult if you realize that in front of you is “the same” person. By the way, this realization often comes “like snow on the head”.

Respect your partner

It happens that after suffering in previous relationships, people say: “Now I will be smarter!”. And they seem to test the strength of the new chosen one (they can be rude, secretly go to the side, deceive, etc.). There is no mention of any respect. The “I” position comes to the fore. This is a failed method. Your relationship is not a competition, and a partner is not a way to prove to someone in the past that you are better. Be prepared to treat the new person in your life as equal and worthy.

Don't try to be what you're not

If sentimentality is alien to you, do not shed insincere tears. If you do not share the hobbies of the new chosen one, do not lie that you will consider it your happiness to attend football matches with him. Do not invent something that has not been in your life. Fables about education, rich and famous relatives, huge inheritances, and others from the same category are quickly revealed.

Learn to feel loved one

It is not enough just to listen, you need to hear and understand when he (or she) feels bad, when help and support is needed. Feel free to ask how you can help in a particular situation. One person, for example, needs to be simply listened to. Someone needs affection, kind words. And for someone, the silent presence of a person nearby is simply necessary.

Be grateful

Although it is not always possible to avoid conflict, still try to remember all the good things that were done by your chosen one (or chosen one) in relation to you. Do not harbor resentment and anger, it is better to remember the good. In the end, after a quarrel, you are driven by momentary emotions, fueled by your past grievances (perhaps even against another person). But are you ready to momentarily give up all the good that binds you?

Don't Focus on Relationships

There are many interesting things in life, much more than communication with one person: meetings with relatives and friends, success at work, travel, interesting pastime. Do not deprive yourself of small joys by spending every minute working to build a strong bond with a potential spouse.

Mistakes that get in the way of a new relationship

The rejection of relationships is often dictated by the unwillingness to change something in oneself. Agree, it is always easier to blame someone than to admit you were wrong. Pay attention to exactly what mistakes can destroy feelings already on the verge of their formation:

1. Expecting too much from a partner.

   As mentioned above, your chosen one is a person with his own weaknesses. You shouldn't compare him to anyone. If you are good together, do not look for flaws. Surely there are some of your “features” and troubles will still give odds to his oddities. So forgive the imperfection of your neighbor.

2. The desire to reshape a partner and blackmail.

   Phrases like “If you don’t buy me the thing I want, then I won’t cook”, “If your mother comes to us again, then I will leave home” or “If you don’t lose weight, then we will not have intimacy” can sound from the lips of an immature person. You have the right to ask for something, but you should not demand and set conditions. He does not agree, but you cannot put up with it - leave.

3. Attempts to "crush" the chosen one (or the chosen one) for themselves.

   Even if your character is like steel, you should not make your partner your slave. Crushing authority, you will not build a strong relationship. Respect your dear person, even if he is soft and easy-going. And do not turn into a "mommy" who is used to solving all the problems of her "child".

4. Allowing you to be dominated.

   Sometimes, in order to please, we try to remain silent somewhere, swallow the insult, pretend that we didn’t understand something, didn’t hear it. Such behavior greatly underestimates self-esteem, in addition, there is a risk of losing the respect of a partner (“She (they) can easily twist”). Appreciate yourself if you are thinking about how to build relationships correctly. Immediately set boundaries that should not be crossed. Don't let me raise my voice at you. Or don’t jokingly make offensive jokes about your shortcomings (short stature, sparse hair, a couple of extra kilos, etc.).

Be wise, be forgiving, talk about your feelings, don't gloss over problems, love yourself and don't lose your zest for life. Appreciate those relationships that bring you satisfaction, even if your loved one is far from ideal. Do not let the loner syndrome take you in turn: refusing relationships to avoid difficulties with a partner, you still doom yourself to problems later. Only of a psychological nature.

"We choose, we are chosen, as it often does not coincide," the heroine of Svetlana Kryuchkova sang in the film "Big Break". Eternal questions: who is suitable for whom and who is not, why for some everything "grows together" at once, while others, having barely met, shy away from each other, as if scalded.

Let's not touch on the beautiful and romantic teenage languor, let's talk about the relationship of adult men and women, which nothing brings together like sex. And the same sex can become a stumbling block - if he wants, but she does not. And it happens the other way around - she wants, but for some reason he refuses ...

The law of nature: the decision to start a sexual relationship is made by the female. After all, it is she who bears the main burden of responsibility for bearing offspring, which should be born healthy and grow to the maximum. favorable conditions. Therefore, women, obeying instinct, make a whole list of requirements for men. If at least something embarrasses them and does not suit them, they light a red light in front of the rejected applicant. For the same reason, it is women who, as a rule, are the first to break up relationships. No matter how men rebel against this alignment, they are not able to change the course of evolution. However, nature has endowed men with an important quality - most of them are forgiving, quick-witted and able to quickly switch their attention from one object to another.

And here when a man refuses a woman - it's a tragedy! Of course, according to the rejected women themselves. It is generally accepted that if a woman, having overcome all internal doubts and self-restraints, takes the initiative and invites a man to enter into a close relationship, then he does not dare to refuse her. The fact that the average man encounters female rejections a thousand times more often than a woman with male ones, she ignores and continues to be surprised and indignant. Some women are completely sure that a man is a sexy robot, it is enough to unbutton the top button on a blouse and beckon with your finger - and that's it.

Not only does the rejected woman consider herself hurt and offended, she immediately begins to engage in self-digging - she tries to find out what is wrong with her and why she was "sent." Consequently - depression intensifies, self-esteem falls below the baseboard, fear of loneliness appears, and at the same time, the woman closes herself even more and languishes from melancholy and hopelessness.

So why do men refuse women? Another brisk-tongued wench will not fail to pass judgment on the rejected admirer: poor, frail, stupid, undersized, shabby, fat, smelly, boring, greedy, infantile, etc. However, the most common reason for rejection is "You're not nice to me, and that's it."

The man is trying to be gentle- crumples, mumbles something indistinct, apologizes a hundred times, makes excuses or simply runs away under some far-fetched pretext. When refusing a woman, a man experiences a terrible awkwardness - like girls you can’t offend, and in the eyes of society you need to look like a powerful male. Therefore, he avoids a direct answer in every possible way.

And the reasons for refusal in men can be a dime a dozen.

A man is faithful to his wife or girlfriend

Let's reveal a secret: a man is not as prone to polygamy as the grandmothers on the mound gossip about. If he is comfortable with one woman, then he will not look for illusory happiness on the side. If only because these are unnecessary risks and troubles, and a man is not inclined to tear himself away from the sofa in vain. In addition, some even consider adultery a moral crime and tell themselves to restrain themselves. Or - it happens! - a man loves his soul mate so much that other women simply do not exist for him.

A man does not want to be attached to a woman

One of the main stereotypes regarding the relationship of the sexes: men need sex, women need marriage. An active woman is always alarming. This is how you have sex with her once, but she will not leave behind, will follow on her heels, beg, beg, blackmail, demand to legitimize the relationship. To be honest, some women have it written on their foreheads that they are ready for anything, just to drag the attracted peasant to the registry office.

A man is afraid that a woman will rob him or even kill him.

Another stereotype: a decent woman should not make it clear to a man that she is interested in him. Therefore, if a woman whom a man has just met herself suggests that he go to bed as soon as possible, he can tense up in earnest. Suddenly it smells like crime It's on TV every day.

The man is tired

You inflame him for sex, and he dreams of a hearty dinner and sound sleep. Well, the person does not want to work all day. Or maybe before that he was staying with another woman ...

The man is not in the mood

If a man is eating something, if he is busy solving some important problem or he is in serious trouble, then he does not think about sex. What a man looks for in sex, like in vodka, a consolation to all his sorrows, is a big exaggeration.. Someone, for example, beats a punching bag or plays solitaire.

A man is ashamed of his unpresentability

You met in a city park in the dead of winter, got to talking and realized that you were ripe for great love, which would be nice to fix with good sex. And the lover of walks has an unwashed head under his hat, a patched shirt under his coat, and boots are put on with holey socks. If you have planned an intimate evening on his territory, then an unprepared man may be ashamed to bring you to his home, because in his bachelor apartment reigns complete raskardash. Remember how you yourself are worried about a pimple or torn tights - so a man is sometimes ready to refrain from carnal pleasures in order to maintain a positive image. It means that you are not indifferent to him, by the next date he will appear before you in all his glory - let's hope you do not change your mind.

The man is impotent

Everything is simple here - he doesn’t mind, but he just can’t. Of course, he will never admit it to you. Well, let him be treated, we wish him good luck.

A man does not want to communicate with you or with any other woman

Maybe you have managed to lay eyes on a hopeless gay man, about which he delicately keeps silent. Or maybe an overly sensitive and emotional man turned out to be a "wounded animal" - he himself became a victim of refusals more than once, or his past passion broke his heart to smithereens, and now he looks at all other women with apprehension, and even with hatred. Or is he unsure of himself in life - and why do you need such a mumble then? And yet, albeit extremely rare, there are asexual men, in front of which even a bare dance lambada - they just shrug their shoulders. Finally, there are convinced loners, ascetics, religious fanatics, or simply crazy people.

A man is not turned on by a specific woman

It seems that a woman is not bad-looking, charming, playful, pleasant in all respects - but, as they say in Odessa, chemistry didn't work. Maybe a certain young lady used the same perfume, who once drank plenty of blood from a young man, and now he associates this smell with a strong moral trauma. Or her voice is surprisingly similar to the voice of an evil school teacher, who in the old days mercilessly gave him deuces and called her parents to school every week. Or a man with prejudice refers, say, to swarthy and brown-eyed girls. And red-haired and freckled people do not tolerate at all. But who knows what tastes and preferences, complexes and phobias, quirks and whims- there are some ladies who choose their partners exclusively according to the signs of the zodiac, and in the female environment this is considered quite normal. Also, let's not forget: with age, a woman willy-nilly lowers the bar, and a man, having gained experience, becomes more picky and picky.

When a man refuses you, do not despair - one tram goes to the depot, another will definitely come. If circumstances develop in such a way that the man who rejected you remains nearby (he is your neighbor or work colleague) - in no case pretend to be a victim. He certainly won’t feel sorry for you, and you will make so many unnecessary problems for yourself that you won’t be able to clean it up later.

Well, if it gives you pleasure to blame yourself for everything, then you can really do self-improvement - but reasonably, without bullying the psyche and body and without thinking about how to please that man or men in general. Transformed, prettier, liking yourself first of all, you will become attractive to others.

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Since ancient times, a man has been a getter, a conqueror. Wooing a woman is a natural instinct. By nature, a man is loving. Ever since the very younger age, they begin to show themselves, show signs of attention to girls, give gifts, look for an approach to the person they like. Despite this similarity, everyone chooses their own paths for this. Some, at the sight of a beautiful lady, approach her and offer to get to know her directly, others invite her to drink coffee or tea, and still others - to go somewhere. Problems begin if they hear a refusal in response. Some men perceive this as a blow to their ego. After a refusal, someone stops showing initiative and meeting girls at all, someone perceives a soft refusal as a game and does not attach any importance to it, others react inadequately, can be rude to a woman or begin to humiliate her.

In any case, the reaction of a man directly depends on the behavior of women.

Reasons for rudeness

In modern society, people are used to taking care of themselves only. Few people care about other people's feelings. Faced with a woman with high self-esteem, the guy begins to literally beg for affection. Time passes, courtship begins to bother, his nerves are on edge, and he has a surge of emotions. This is where the reproaches, insults and rudeness begin.

The wealth of the partner can also be the reason for this behavior. Not every man can endure a companion richer than himself. Trying to please, he does not find funds, is unable to fulfill all requests and is refused. The reaction is anger and rudeness.

It is not surprising, because the man wasted time and money to nowhere.

The inability to get a location for yourself is another reason for the rudeness that appears with the understanding that the lady preferred another man.

Sometimes it happens that the acquaintance was successful, signs of attention, flirting, the invitation is accepted, but the girl simply does not come to the meeting and does not pick up the phone. The man is indignant, because he was deceived. Yes, unfortunately, there are women who simply amuse their pride in this way. The rudeness of men in response to such an act can be forgiven.

The next reason for a man's violent behavior is emotional problems. Some men just take revenge on all the girls in a row for past failures. And each one just makes the situation worse.

In any case, whatever the motives for refusal, you should not react and respond with rudeness. You can review your behavior and change it. More experience, more chances of success. Perhaps another failure is a good push to move to a new level.

Relationships between men and women are not always as easy as we would like. IN modern world Both a man and a woman can take the initiative in a relationship. But if you ask a man on a date, be prepared for the fact that he may refuse.

Surely you have often seen a situation where a woman was sympathetic to a man who, moreover, communicated very kindly with her and often helped (for example, a handsome work colleague). At the same time, he himself did not make an appointment with her, and the woman believed that this could be from embarrassment or timidity (after all, his behavior was a little more than just friendly).

And what's wrong with inviting a colleague to a cafe for a cup of cappuccino? But, having made an appointment herself, she received a polite refusal (and, in addition, perhaps also a message that he had a girlfriend). Of course, this situation can happen to every woman who is in search of her only love. What to do in this case, how to relate to the refusal and how to continue communication?

How to behave if a man refused a date you proposed?

Firstly, do not attach much importance to his failure. Yes, most likely you are slightly offended and unpleasant, because you thought that he liked you - but it turned out that you didn’t. But don't dwell on this failure. The main thing is to move forward.

Secondly, mentally thank this man for refusing. Actually, this refusal has relieved you of illusions. After all, if it weren’t for this situation, you would continue to waste your time on someone who doesn’t really like you or is simply not nice enough to invite you on a date. But now you clearly understand how he treats you, and you can move on with peace of mind.

Third, with his refusal, he made room in your life for that man who will truly love you. Often, without noticing it, women are so immersed in a feeling of sympathy for a man that they do not notice real opportunities to start a real romance (and not a "fictitious" relationship).

Fourth, refusal is sometimes not the final decision. A man could answer this way because of fatigue, banal unwillingness or inability to communicate (not specifically related to you), because of difficulties at work or family problems. Perhaps he has some negative events in his life and he is not in the mood for a romantic wave now.

Or maybe he just fundamentally won’t go to drink coffee after he was invited by a woman (especially for shy men who rarely go on dates). There can be many reasons for rejection, including his relationship or love for another woman that you did not know about. And some reasons you simply will never know - but this, in general, does not matter.

If a man refused a date because he was afraid to look awkward, then it is likely that after a while he himself will offer you a meeting. Unless, of course, he really has sympathy for you. But you should not wait for his offer - let it be a pleasant surprise rather than a long and tedious wait.

So, the main thing to do after a rejection is to expand your social circle and continue to meet new people. After all, rejection does not make you worse or better - it's just a kind of beacon that says that you are unlikely to have anything positive on this life path. Meet new men, give yourself a chance for a real relationship, not an empty expectation.

Fifth, after the man has refused the meeting, continue to communicate with him as usual. This is especially important if you study or work together. Communicate with him in a friendly and polite way, but do not get ahead of him in this one step. Do not look for unnecessary meetings, do not try to please him or prove what a treasure he has lost. Maybe this is just not your man, and he will never be able to appreciate you, no matter how hard you try.

Maybe this rejection will be good for you - because no one knows how your relationship would have developed. Therefore, the best option is to accept what is and continue to live your life without obsessing over this man. And even more so, do not try to somehow verbally offend him - after all, he has every right to communicate and meet only with those with whom he wants, and not you.

And if you have not become such a person for him, what is the point of experiencing negative emotions on this occasion? Maybe in reality he is not at all your destiny and not “your” person?

Should I ask a man out on a date?

Of course, in an ideal situation, a man calls for a date himself, does not become shy and does not play for time. But most likely, you are familiar with situations from life when relationships developed mainly due to the initial female initiative. This is also not uncommon, and women's initiative can bring positive results.

It is worth noting that the best initiative on the part of a woman is friendly and interested communication, smiles, glances, light flirting. As a rule, this is enough for a man (if he is interested in you) to ask you out on a date.

Well, if the "light" form of your initiative does not bring results and has been going on for a long time (from six months or more), then it's time to decide what to do next.

Here are possible 2 options- either you simply stop considering this man as your potential boyfriend and pay attention to other admirers, or you decide to find out his attitude towards you directly by inviting him on a date. The latter option carries the risk of rejection, but at the same time, it will allow you to clarify for yourself as clearly as possible how this man actually treats you. And this is very important, because you need to know whether it is worth further spending your time and emotions on it.

Inviting a man on a date is, perhaps, only if you really like him very much and you understand that you would like to spend your whole life next to such a partner. Because in the future it will be difficult to simply switch attention to another and subsequently not think that “maybe everything could work out if I took the initiative.” In this case, it is better to find out everything at once.

After all, there is nothing terrible or unpleasant in calling a man on a date. If a man sympathizes with you, on the contrary, he will be glad that you also feel sympathy for him. Well, if you were mistaken, then a direct invitation will also be good option At least you'll know exactly what's going on.

Do not forget also that if a man really likes you, he will invite you on a date on his own. This is a classic option, but unfortunately, it does not occur as often as we would like. Sometimes a man is limited to only a couple of hints, and then simply disappears from the horizon. You should not blame yourself for this either - it is quite possible that he simply did not like you enough. But another man will like it at first sight!

Do not attach importance to the fact that you did not have a relationship with this man. Perhaps tomorrow you will meet another person who will sincerely love you and will gladly invite you on a date. Treat the rejection simply as a source of information, and be sure to move forward. Do not worry about this, just forget about this situation and continue to build your life only with the man who really loves you!

I saw the former on the other - what to do?