What relatives should do up to 40 days. What to do within a year after the funeral. Is it possible to clean up after the funeral

Wake 40 days: 7 rules to follow when organizing, 10 dishes that can be prepared, 6 prayers that are read for 9 and 40 days, 7 memorial dates in Christianity.

People who do not believe in an afterlife consider death to be the final chord of human existence. Like, he died - and that's it, nothing was left of him, except for the grave. And about the immortal soul - it's all nonsense. But even among hardened atheists, few people dare to violate funeral traditions.

40 days of commemoration - an opportunity to remember the deceased, drink a glass for the repose of his soul, put a candle in the church, and gather with relatives.

But this date is far from the only one that needs to be dedicated to the deceased.

People say that a person is alive as long as the memory of him is alive.

In the first year, the deceased is remembered quite often and not only by heartbroken relatives, but also by everyone who takes part in the commemoration.

Funeral rites are obligatory for Orthodox Christians. They are held according to specific rules that you need to know in order to provide peace and grace to the soul of a loved one.

Conventionally, any commemoration can be divided into 2 parts:

1. Church. This includes a memorial service ordered by relatives in the church, and a series of prayers that are read by relatives of the deceased. Unchurched people are afraid to make a mistake, to order something wrong, to do something wrong. Do not worry, because in any temple you will be prompted for the right decision.
2. Gastronomic. That is, exactly what we mean when we pronounce the word “commemoration”: a dinner for which people from the close circle of the deceased are called to commemorate his soul.

Another important point is visiting the cemetery. At the commemoration, you go to "visit" the deceased in order to:

• demonstrate to him - you have not forgotten about him;
• tidy up the grave;
• bring fresh flowers;
• put a treat for the poor, who will eat it with gratitude for the remembrance of the soul.

There are a lot of commemorations in the first year:

1. After the burial. It is on the day of the funeral that the first memorial dinner is held, to which everyone who paid the last tribute to the deceased in the cemetery is usually invited.
2. Breakfast. In the morning after the burial, the family goes to the churchyard to bring breakfast to the "deceased" and commemorate him near the grave. No one except the closest relatives is invited to this action.
3. 3 days. This date is important for the family of the deceased. The main stages of commemoration: a visit to the burial place and a family dinner.
4. 9 days. It is believed that up to 9 days the soul of a person lives in the "paradise", but not yet in heaven. The commemoration is arranged precisely on the ninth day, because that is how many "angelic ranks" there are.
5. 40 days. According to Christian canons, it was on the 40th day that Jesus Christ ascended to heaven - which is why the date is so important for Christians. A commemoration for the "fortieth" is a prerequisite.
6. Six months. The date of the commemoration is not considered mandatory, therefore it is missed by many. If you want to remember your loved one on this day, visit the cemetery, order a memorial service in the church and sit modestly with your family, remembering the good things about the deceased.
7. 1 year. The last major memorial number. On this day, they not only order a memorial service, but also organize a big dinner in honor of the deceased. Ideally, you need to call everyone who was at the funeral, but if finances do not allow, then you can get by with a smaller number of “guests”.

After a year has passed from the date of death, you can commemorate your loved one whenever you want (for example, on the day of his birth and death, on other important dates for you), ordering memorial services and distributing sweets for the repose of the soul. Large feasts can no longer be organized.

The most important commemoration dates, in addition to the funeral number and 1 year, are the 9th and 40th days. We will talk about them further in more detail, because many traditions have been forgotten.

9 days: commemoration according to the rules

This is the first of three important memorial dates. There are certain rules and traditions that must be followed.

What does the soul expect from the wake on the 9th day

According to church dogmas, exactly 9 days are given to a person after death in order to complete his earthly journey, say goodbye to relatives and friends whom he happened to leave and prepare for a meeting with the Lord.

9 is a sacred number in Christianity, because that is how many angelic ranks exist. It is the angels who must bring the spirit of the deceased on the 9th day after death to the Judgment of the Lord, so that her fate is decided: to stay in paradise or go down to hell if her sins are too serious.

But the verdict has not yet been passed, and from the 9th to the 40th day, ordeals await the soul. That is why relatives should be especially careful during this period so as not to aggravate the sins of the deceased with their rash acts. And it's not just about the proper organization of the commemoration.

Of course, you will grieve for your loved one, but it is important that your grief is not so inconsolable that the soul cannot leave this world at all.

Wake for 9 days according to church canons

Relatives are required to express their grief for the deceased not with endless tears, but with prayers and good deeds.

Required on memorial day:

1. Book a memorial service at the church.
2. Defend the service on this day to pray in the temple for the deceased and put a candle that will light the way for him in the days of ordeals.
3. Distribute sweets and money to the poor.

You can make a donation on behalf of the deceased to those in need: an orphanage or a nursing home, a hospital, a shelter for the homeless, etc.

Be sure to visit the grave on the 9th day to remove dried flowers from the day of the funeral, light a candle, and pray for the soul of the deceased.

If possible, order a lithium - the priest will come and pray at the burial place for your loved one. But it is permissible to read the prayers at the commemoration on your own.

In addition to the traditional "Our Father", you can read the following prayers:

God of spirits and all flesh, righting death and abolishing the devil, and bestowing life on Your world! Himself, Lord, give rest to the souls of the departed Thy servants: His Holiness Patriarchs, His Grace Metropolitans, Archbishops and Bishops, who served You in the priestly, church and monastic ranks; the creators of this holy temple, Orthodox forefathers, father, brothers and sisters, lying here and everywhere; leaders and warriors for faith and the fatherland laid down their lives, faithful, killed in internecine warfare, drowned, burned, frozen in the scum, torn to pieces by beasts, suddenly died without repentance and did not have time to reconcile with the Church and with their enemies; in the frenzy of the mind of the suicidal, those whom we commanded and asked to pray for, for whom there is no one to pray and the faithful, the burials of the Christian deprived (the name of the rivers) in a place of light, in a place of greenery, in a place of peace, sickness, sadness and sighing will flee from here.

Any sin committed by them in word or deed or thought, like a good God who loves mankind, forgive, like a person, who will be alive and will not sin. Thou art only one except for sin, Thy righteousness is righteousness forever, and Thy word is truth. As You are the Resurrection, and the Life and Peace of Your dead servants (name of the rivers), Christ our God, and we send glory to You with Your Father without beginning, and the Most Holy, and the Good, and Your Life-giving Spirit, now and ever and forever and ever. Amen.

Remember that in prayer it is not so much the words themselves that are important, but sincerity.

40 days of wake: everything you need to know about this date

This is the second important date in the tradition of Christian commemoration, which in no case can be ignored if you care about the well-being of the deceased in the next world.

What happens to the soul on the 40th day and does it need a wake?

It is on the 40th day that the soul must hear the verdict of God, where it will be further: in Paradise or Hell.

It is believed that it is after this time that the soul completely breaks away from the body and realizes that it is dead.

The 40th day is the last term when the spirit visits his native places to say goodbye to worldly life, close, dear to the heart things.

In no case should relatives and friends sob and lament strongly on the day of the commemoration, so as not to increase the suffering of an already fragile soul, not to tie it forever to the earth, where it would forever wander between the world of the living and the dead.

You can often hear stories that it was on the 40th day in a dream that the deceased was a relative to say goodbye.

And after this period, you should stop feeling his presence nearby. If this did not happen, then somewhere at the wake you made a mistake, did something to tie the soul of the deceased to the ground.

Consult with the priest how to remedy the situation.

Church rules of commemoration for 40 days

The deceased himself is no longer able to change anything, is not able to correct any of the mistakes made during his lifetime. But his relatives are able to facilitate the transition of a loved one to Paradise with the help of a worthy commemoration on the 40th day.

Order a magpie in the church and give a donation to the temple. Be sure to pray on your own (in the temple or at home) in your own words or in the texts of special prayers:

Give rest, Lord, to the souls of the departed Thy servants: my parents, relatives, benefactors (their names), and all Orthodox Christians, and forgive them all sins, voluntary and involuntary, and grant them the Kingdom of Heaven. Amen.

It would not be superfluous to give up on the 40th day some of your sin, for example, drunkenness or adultery, in order to facilitate the transition to paradise for the dead, or else make a donation to some kind of charitable foundation.

On the 40th day, in addition to the commemoration at home or in some institution, visit the cemetery to:

• carry flowers;
• light a candle;
• treat the poor (if you don’t meet anyone, put a treat on the grave);
  pray;
• to say goodbye for the last time - after all, soon the soul will finally leave the earth.

Wake for the dead

Funeral dinner on the 9th and 40th day

An important part of the memorial day is lunch. It is significant, first of all, to the living, because the dead are more important for the church commemoration and the sincere grief of loved ones.

Remember that neither on the 9th nor on the 40th day do they send out invitations to the commemoration. Those who remember the deceased come and want to honor him with their attention. Therefore, the commemoration usually takes place in a narrow circle of friends and relatives.

Here are a number of rules that must be followed when organizing a commemoration on the 9th and 40th day:

1. Don't chase the amount of food. Do not set goals to impress the "guests", to show them that you have money, to feed those present to satiety. Such pride is a sin from which it is the dead who will suffer.
2. Look for a post on the calendar. If the commemoration on the 40th or 9th day fell on a church fast, give up meat - give it up altogether. Several fish dishes are allowed, the rest of the food should be cooked from vegetables in vegetable oil. If fasting is strict, then dairy products should also be excluded. But even if the commemoration fell on a period free from food restrictions, do not fill the table with meat. Adhere to the policy of moderation in the formation of the menu.
3. Do not place forks on the funeral table. They symbolize the pitchfork used by devils in hell to torment sinners. The main cutlery is spoons, even for second courses and snacks. The illiterate, indignant at the lack of forks at the wake, you can explain why you do it that way.
4. Start your meal with the Lord's Prayer. Ask everyone present to pray for the memory of a loved one and make the sign of the cross before you start dinner.
5. Speeches in memory of the deceased should be welcomed by relatives. No one should be forced to speak, but it is also impossible to forbid people to speak, to rush them to finish their speech as soon as possible. Those present gathered not to eat for a week ahead, but then to remember the deceased with a kind word.
6. Prepare the room where the commemoration will take place on the 9th and 40th days. Be sure to put a photo of the deceased with a mourning ribbon. Light a candle or lamp near the image, put a bouquet of flowers. A glass of water, covered with a slice of bread, and cutlery are also placed near the photo so that the deceased can have a meal with everyone.
7. Keep order. If you see that someone is behaving inappropriately (swearing, laughing, talking loudly), carefully reprimand this uncultured person. If this does not work, ask him to leave, explaining that by his behavior he multiplies your grief. But in no case do not start scandals at the commemoration - this is a great sin before people, and before God, and before the deceased.

Dishes that can be prepared / ordered for the commemoration on the 9th and 40th day:

Separately, it must be said about alcohol. The church does not encourage wake drinking and believes that it is possible to do without alcohol at all, but people usually have a different opinion and put wine and / or vodka on the table.

It will not be a big sin if you still add alcohol to the funeral menu, but make sure that those present drink no more than three glasses, otherwise the wake will turn into a banal booze, during which they will forget what occasion they gathered at all.

You can control the amount drunk on the 9th and 40th day after the funeral by limiting the number of bottles on the table. Estimate how many people came to the wake and how many bottles of wine / vodka are needed for everyone to drink only 3 glasses. Hide the excess and do not give in to the requests of drunks, such as: “Bring more alcohol. How is it to remember Mikhalych dry? He'll be offended!"

40 days - commemoration, which are arranged only for the closest. It is not so much the feast itself that is important, but the church component of commemoration and the sincerity of your feelings for the deceased.

Death is grief and pain for the loved ones of the deceased. A natural consolation is the desire to help, to facilitate the transition to other facets of life for the deceased. According to the Christian religion, the 40th day is considered the most important of all memorial days, because during this period the soul forever says goodbye to the earth and leaves it. Many organize a wake. What to say on this day and how to behave?

What is the meaning of the funeral ceremony

It is important to know that the essence of the funeral rite is to make the transition of the soul of a deceased person to another world painless, to help the soul stand before God, to feel peace and tranquility. And this is achieved through prayer. Everything that will be said about the deceased person on this day: kind words, prayers, good memories and speeches will help the soul withstand God's judgment. Therefore, it is so important to observe all the traditions associated with this day, and to know

The main thing on this day is to pray. You can do it yourself, or you can invite a priest.

Christian traditions for 40 days

The rite of remembrance has been known since the very beginning of the birth of Christianity. The purpose of the ceremony is to give the soul of the departed to another world peace and tranquility, to help to know the eternal kingdom of heaven.

To do this, friends of the deceased should also gather at the memorial table. When a commemoration is organized after death, what to say to those present? It is believed that the more people remember the deceased in their prayers, the better it will be for the soul of the one for whom they are praying. On this day, it is customary to remember moments from the life of the deceased, focusing on his virtues and good deeds.

Life does not stand still, if earlier the commemoration was held in the house of the deceased, now it can be done in a restaurant or cafe. The traditions of Orthodoxy oblige to receive more people on this day than on the 9th day, because the soul leaves the earth, and not only relatives, but also everyone who wants to do this, must say goodbye to a person.

40 days after death, commemoration: what to say in a cemetery?

Visiting the grave of a deceased person is an obligatory part of the funeral ritual. Bring flowers and a candle with you. It is customary to carry a pair of flowers in the cemetery, even numbers are a symbol of life and death. Laying flowers is the best way to show respect to the deceased.

Arriving, you should light a candle and pray for peace of mind, then you can just stand, be silent, remembering the good moments from the life of the deceased person.

Noisy conversations and discussions are not arranged at the cemetery, everything should take place in an atmosphere of calm and tranquility.

Commemoration for the fortieth in the church

Church commemoration is the mention of the name of the deceased during prayer at the Liturgy for the salvation of the soul and the eternal good of the commemorated. The ceremony is held after the relatives of the deceased submit a note "On the repose." It is important to know that in this note only the names of those who were baptized in the Orthodox Church are given.

For the relatives of the deceased, the best kind of donation would be a candle for the deceased. At the moment of installing the candle, you need to pray for the repose of the soul, asking the Lord to forgive the voluntary and involuntary sins of the deceased person.

According to the canons of Orthodoxy, a commemoration (40 days after death) is not carried out before the deadline. If, nevertheless, by coincidence, it is necessary to carry out the ceremony on an earlier date, then on the following weekend after forty it is necessary to give alms. On the same day, hold a church commemoration.

Organization of the funeral table

The purpose of the memorial dinner is to remember the deceased person, pray for the repose of his soul, provide psychological support to those in need, thank people for their participation and help. You can’t arrange a dinner with the aim of impressing the guests with expensive and delicious dishes, boasting an abundance of dishes, or feeding you to satiety.

The main thing is not food, but uniting in grief and supporting those who are having a hard time. It is important to take into account the main rules of Christianity: restriction on the intake of alcoholic beverages, fasting and the presence of the simplest dishes on the table.

Do not take the wake as a feast. Large waste in this case is unjustified, it will be much more useful to direct financial investments to the field of charity.

If more than 40 days have passed since death, a commemoration can be held later if only the memorial table is moved. It is on the 40th day that you need to pray for the soul of the deceased.

Main dishes of the funeral table

When laying the table, it is advisable to give preference to lean dishes. At the head of the table should be porridge cooked from whole grains, with the addition of honey, nuts and raisins. The dish personifies the rebirth of the soul, symbolizes the blessings of eternal life.

The composition of the dishes mainly depends on the commemoration. Traditionally prepared: pancakes, pies, cereals, cabbage soup and kissel. Various snacks are acceptable: salads, vegetable or among the first courses: borscht, noodles in chicken broth, beetroot. Garnish - buckwheat porridge, pilaf or mashed potatoes. The church is against alcoholic beverages, in any case, their use should be limited.

If the commemoration coincided with the fast, then the meat should be exchanged for fish. Vinaigrette is perfect for salads. Let there be mushrooms, vegetables and fruits on the table. The main thing at the wake is to strengthen your strength in order to continue to tirelessly pray for the deceased.

How to prepare a memorial speech

Not a single commemoration is complete without a commemorative speech. Sometimes a presenter is invited specifically for this occasion, who will help to correctly arrange the order of speeches. If the presenter is absent, one of the close relatives should take over his role.

When a commemoration is arranged for 40 days after the death, the words spoken at the table should be distributed in accordance with a certain order of speakers. First, the closest relatives speak, then friends, and lastly acquaintances.

Don't rely too much on improvisation. This is a sad event, and people who have grief will listen to you. Brevity and accuracy are the main criteria for a memorial speech. Try to find time to practice at home, so you can decide where to keep silent and what to add.

Usually all the closest ones come to the wake (40 days after death). The speech delivered at the table should not consist of a biography of the deceased person, because there will be people who already know all the life stages of the deceased well. It is very good to tell about some fact from life that will serve as proof of the virtues of the deceased.

When a commemoration is being prepared for 40 days after the death, verses dedicated to the mourning event can be more useful than ever. They will help you tune in to a lyrical-tragic mood, contributing to the creation of an atmosphere of commemoration.

You can supplement your speech with a photograph of the deceased or a thing that belonged to him, which will prove to those present about what a good person the deceased was. Avoid mentioning the deceased's mistakes, gossip and secrets. There is no place for such speeches at the memorial table.

Sample speech

Many think when they organize a commemoration for 40 days after the death: "What to say?" ... There is no established version of such a speech. The most important thing is to speak from the heart. But still there are certain rules, using which you can prepare and speak correctly during the funeral ceremony.

You should start by greeting those present, followed by a story about who you are to the deceased. Say a few words about mourning and move on to the good side of the person being remembered. If possible, remember the good times experienced together. It would be very appropriate to involve other people in the memories so that your story is supplemented with good memories. The speech ends with a promise to always remember the one who is remembered.

Still, you can commemorate a deceased person whenever you want. The main thing is to observe the basic rules of the funeral rite: prayer, almsgiving and good memories of the deceased.

The loss of a loved one is always the pain of loss, confusion and a lot of worries. At the same time, worries do not end immediately after the funeral. The soul of a person needs support even after death, in particular, we are talking about commemoration. Let's talk about what to do forty days after death. How to honor a deceased loved one.

What happens to the soul?

After death, a person does not immediately leave the earth and his native places. That is why it is important to hold memorial days up to 40 days: on the third and ninth days. What happens at this time with the soul?

• Only on the third day after death, the deceased comes to terms with a new life. Prior to this, the deceased visits places and even people close to him during earthly life. That is why relatives often feel the presence of the deceased.
• On the ninth day, he meets with God, sees heavenly places and hellish torments. Between the third and ninth days, the human soul experiences the first torments and fears.
• Further, until the fortieth day, ordeals await the soul. During this period, the whole life he lived is evaluated.
• What happens 40 days after death? The soul is waiting for Judgment, as the result of all life. The soul on the 40th day after death needs special support.

In the morning hours, the soul of the deceased may be invisibly present at them. That is why relatives should not sob loudly. Remember that a loved one has gone to the best of worlds. Some people put paper bills or coins in the coffin for the deceased. This is a pagan tradition that has nothing to do with Orthodoxy. It is necessary to dress the deceased according to Christian custom. Prepare your favorite clothes and an icon that the deceased will hold in their hands.

What does 40 days after death mean and how to commemorate the dead?

The soul of the deceased needs support during ordeals. Don't get too carried away with grief. Remember that the deceased sees everything and shares your grief. Restrained sadness will be much easier for him than sobs and tantrums. On the third and ninth day it is worth ordering. At the same time, it is undesirable for relatives to be next to the priest during it. Express your sadness and love for the departed with prayer, this will support him before the upcoming judgment, help him go through the ordeals. Lithium reading can be done at home or in a cemetery. Remember the good deeds of the deceased and find words of comfort for each other. The more people will pray for the deceased, the better. It is advisable to do this daily for forty days, and not just formally, but sincerely, with faith in the heart. The intercession of the living can alleviate the fate of the deceased. Not only adults, but also babies need to pray and sing a funeral. It is believed that the Lord, granting death at an early age, protects from a heavy earthly fate. But still, it is necessary to pray for the baby.

How to calculate the fortieth day after death?

How is 40 days counted from the date of death? The first day is considered the day of death of a person, even if it happened in the evening (that is, before midnight). Even if a person died at half past twelve at night, this day will be considered the first. From this moment, forty calendar days are counted. on the third, ninth and fortieth days. During the first forty days, it is worth praying diligently for the soul of a loved one, this can be done in a church, at home, or even in a cemetery. If relatives pray at home, it is necessary to light candles in front of the images, and women wear headscarves.

40 days after death what to do?

Forty days or "Forties" is the most important moment in the new life of the deceased, the time of Judgment, when it is determined where the soul will await the Last Judgment, in heaven or hell. That is why on the 40th day after the death of the commemoration, it is important to conduct it correctly. They include a visit to the temple, a cemetery and a funeral dinner.

40 days after death, what to do in the cemetery?

It is believed that on this day, relatives must visit the grave of the deceased. It is desirable to do this in the morning, but it is also possible after the funeral meal. or wreaths, light candles and lamps. If possible, you can plant a small tree that will become a symbol of the eternal life of the deceased. If necessary, remove the old wreaths that were laid on the day of the funeral. A prayer can be read on the grave. A memorial meal should not be held at the grave, especially with drinking alcohol. Do not leave alcohol on the grave itself. Usually, sweets are left on the grave in the form of alms, but it is still better to distribute them. No loud talking or arguing is allowed. Commemoration at the grave should be quiet and peaceful.

Church visit

40 days after death how to spend? Be sure to visit the temple on this day. On this day, a memorial service is ordered for 40 days. This will be the best help that loved ones can provide to the soul. It is worth remembering that it can only be ordered by a baptized person.

How to commemorate the deceased for 40 days in the church:

• Take food from home with you that you need to leave in the temple on a special memorial table. They will become charity. It is desirable that it be vegetable oil, wine (red), sweets, sugar, flour. Do not take meat or meat products (especially in fasting).
• Visit the church shop and give there a note "On the repose", where you need to indicate the name of the person who introduced himself. Under his name, other close baptized deceased can be mentioned. A memorial service must be ordered for this particular day (an exception is made for Easter and Holy Week).
• and pray for him, asking the Lord for mercy and forgiveness of his sins.
• Do not leave the temple until the end of the memorial service. In its course, hold a candle in your hands and pray for the repose of the soul of a loved one.

After the funeral, you can order a magpie in the church, and in this case, they will ask God for your relative until the fortieth day.

memorial dinner

How is the wake for 40 days? The funeral dinner has its own rules. Relatives should prepare a memorial meal and call relatives.

What to cook for a funeral dinner?

The menu should not be varied, it is desirable to do without alcohol. The main purpose of the meal is to remember the deceased; loud conversations or songs are inappropriate at the memorial table. The menu should be modest and not as varied as for the holidays. You can gather loved ones at home or in a cafe. The restaurant will offer you a special funeral menu.

If you plan to cook at home, three main dishes are usually made: hot (shchi or borscht), main (for example, noodles with meat) and sweet (pancakes, buns, pies). Additionally, you can put snacks and drinks (juices, compotes, fruit drinks). But the main dish should be. If the memorial dinner falls on fasting, refrain from meat. Replace it with fish dishes or vegetable dishes, such as vegetable stew.

memorial speech

Before the beginning of the memorial meal, it is necessary to make a speech. This must be entrusted to a loved one who knew the deceased well. In the speech, it is necessary to mention the good deeds of the deceased. At the end, “Our Father” is read (the prayer can be replaced by Psalm 90) and a minute of silence is announced to honor the memory. During a minute of silence, relatives can pray silently for the soul of a loved one.

Whom to invite to the funeral?

Forty days after death is usually made a little "more magnificent" than nine days. This is an important day for the soul of the deceased and he will need support. If only the closest people usually gather for nine days, then for forty days more colleagues, students and other people who were well disposed towards the deceased are invited. If the deceased was alone, strangers may be present at the commemoration, the main thing is that their thoughts are pure and they treat the deceased well.

Alms

On the 40th day after the deceased, it is worth giving alms to those in need. It can be both things of the deceased, and treats. When giving, it is worth asking for the remembrance of the deceased with a kind word. Perhaps this will ease the position of the soul in the judgment and will be credited to it. Some after the memorial meal hand out spoons to the guests. It is believed that this item will be associated with the departed and remind of him. This is just a superstition and it is not necessary to fulfill it at all.

Close people should give out small gifts from among the things that belonged to the deceased. It can be books or pleasant things. They will help to remember the deceased with a kind word and pray for the repose of his soul. In no case should you throw out the things of the deceased, especially up to nine days. Remember that the soul is found on earth, and by doing this you can offend a loved one who is already in another world. No one is pleased when they get rid of objects dear to their hearts. On the fortieth day, if you do not know what to do with the things of the deceased, they can be taken to the temple, where they will be distributed to those in need. Items dear to your heart can be kept for yourself. Some people think it's a bad omen. This is just a superstition, a thing that belonged to a loved one or a loved one will not harm you in any way.

How to remember for 40 days: what to wear?

The widow and mother of the deceased must wear a black headscarf. Other guests and relatives should be dressed appropriately for the occasion. For men, a dark plain suit and a light shirt will be appropriate. In summer, the jacket can be removed. For women, a modest dress or skirt with a blouse. The hem should cover the knees. It is worth doing without a deep neckline and an open top. Hair should be tied up in a hairstyle, there should be no bright cosmetics.

How to seat guests?

First of all, the closest relatives are placed at the head of the table, they are seated according to the principle of seniority and kinship. Friends of the deceased are also seated in order of seniority. Sometimes they leave a place at the table for the deceased, putting him a plate and cutlery. However, this does not correspond to the canon, it is up to everyone to do it or not. Another superstition is that knives and forks cannot be used during the wake. This is completely stupid. You can use any cutlery.

Additional memorial preparations

Before the commemoration, it is worth distributing clothes and belongings of the deceased to those in need. It's definitely not worth throwing them away. For each guest who comes, it is necessary to prepare a treat that he will take with him in order to remember the deceased again.

Is it possible to reschedule memorials?

How 40 days from the date of death is considered is already clear. However, it happens that it is not possible to hold a commemoration on this particular day. In this case, the memorial meal itself can be rescheduled. What can not be said about visiting the temple and the liturgy. A memorial service must be ordered on this day. Nothing can be more important than helping a loved one during his Judgment. If the memorial day falls on Holy Week, the meal can be moved to the parent week. These days they don’t serve a memorial service either, but by agreement the priest can read the litany for the dead.

Wake 40 days order of conduct: who is not commemorated

Commemoration of 40 days, the rules for their implementation impose restrictions on the commemoration of individuals. You can commemorate the dead of natural or violent death. It is not customary to remember:

• Deceased in alcoholic or even drug intoxication;
• Atheists;
• not passed the rite of baptism;
• Apostates of the faith.

An exception is made in cases where a person committed suicide as a result of insanity. Souls with a confused mind are not excommunicated from the sacraments of the Church. It is believed that the one who lost his mind was not responsible for his deeds and God is merciful to such a person, since he did not wish evil.

For suicides, it is forbidden to light candles or order memorial services. Relatives can pray at home or distribute alms to those in need, thus asking the Lord for mercy.

If the deceased was an atheist, it is important not only to pray for the forgiveness of his soul, but also to read the Holy Scriptures aloud. Perhaps the soul in these moments will be nearby and hear saving words.

Signs and traditions associated with the forties

The death and commemoration of a loved one are associated with many signs and superstitions:

• All reflective surfaces in the home of the deceased must be covered;
• No one should sleep in the place of the deceased for 40 days;
• You can’t throw out the things of the deceased for 40 days (this really shouldn’t be done);
• It is forbidden to completely turn off the light in the house, leave a candle or lamp;
• Water and a towel are left on the window, supposedly to wash the soul.

To fulfill them or not is the business of everyone, these beliefs have practically nothing to do with Orthodoxy.

At the hour of remembrance, until the pain of loss subsided, the first thing to remember is delicacy. Find out, check out examples of words of condolence and. These guides will give you an idea of ethics of commemoration and prompt true words of comfort.

But memorial speech has its own specifics. In it you turn to a whole range of guests who gathered to comfort their loved ones, to remember the deceased themselves and listen to what friends and relatives have to say about him. Your words are awaited, and your funeral speech can sound with b ABOUT more pathos than is customary for a personal expression of condolences.

The words of grief directly at the funeral should be as short as possible, but the speech at the wake may not be limited to a couple of phrases.

Memorial words of sorrow and mourning speech

First, introduce yourself and, if it's not obvious to everyone, say who you are to the deceased. Many people will speak at the memorial. That's why mourning speech should be concise, and thoughts are expressed accurately. Guests will understand if the phrase is interrupted by sudden crying. But unpreparedness, verbiage, and even more drunken babble, the audience will perceive as a sign of disrespect for the deceased. Don't rely on improvisation! Have brief abstracts with you, and at home or on the way to the funeral ceremony, repeat your memorial speech several times.

Do not retell the biography - enough tell about one bright case, an episode of life so that guests remember this interesting fact. It is important that the event you describe highlight one of the positive traits of the deceased. Better talk about that episode which you highly appreciated. Study examples close to them (each obituary contains an episode from life and condolences).

Focus the audience's attention on the character trait that your story has demonstrated. Every negative trait has a bright side. Examples of complementary synonyms:

• You can say about a grouchy person "He taught me a lesson in a critical view of the world."
• On the tightfisted: "Caution, rationality and foresight - that's what we all lack today, and what we can learn from the deceased."
• Carelessness in finances: “He was so sure of a better future…”
• Suspicion: "Knew human nature..."
• Not very smart: "Trustling, naive, he believed people so much ..."
• Haughty: “He knew his own worth, only the best were in his circle ...”
• Stubborn, stubborn: "Principled ..."
• Amenable, without a core: "Conflict-free ... His creed is a compromise."

At the wake, you can’t talk about shortcomings: “ About the deceased or good or nothing” is the basis of the basics of commemoration etiquette. You should not remember, especially out loud, about failures, weaknesses, sins and grievances. Forgiveness, reconciliation, remembrance of the best— this is the necessary aura of the memorial ceremony.

words of sorrow it is appropriate to supplement with a quote from the thoughts of the deceased: a mandate, instruction, commandment or moral maxim, which he voiced during his lifetime. Then the mourning speech should be brought to the mention of the benefits that he brought to relatives and society. To conclude that the person did not live his life in vain and promise eternal memory in the hearts of the relatives and friends of the deceased.

“May the earth rest in peace to him/her! Everlasting memory!" You can end your memorial speech with these words, but many will do so. It is better to choose an appropriate epitaph, consonant with the personality of the deceased:

• If you or the deceased are believers, look here:, or phrases.
• If, on the contrary, the deceased is consistent.
• For the deceased, as well as an epitaph.
• Many beautiful ideas of mourning words in or in epitaphs.

Commemoration Protocol

At the commemoration, standing, honor the deceased minute of silence. The mission of the presenter is entrusted to a close family person who, in a mourning situation, will be able to control his emotions. He take turns speaking relatives by degree of closeness - spouse, children or parents, next of kin, and then friends of the deceased.

The host must prepare a few phrases in advance in order to break the pause and switch the attention of the guests if the speaker's speech is interrupted by tears. It is customary to pronounce memorial words while standing.

Orthodox Christian tradition of commemoration

If the deceased was a believer, then a wake should be held according to church customs, with observance of church rituals. Speeches and prayers are key components of the Christian commemoration ceremony. After the ceremony, the leader of the ceremony should thank all the guests for coming to the wake and praying for the soul of the newly deceased. Funeral speeches are pronounced when everyone has already gathered at the table.

In the Orthodox Christian tradition, commemoration begins with Psalm 90 and. The atmosphere at the table is restrained, you need to talk quietly, in a whisper. The first word is given to the head of the family. Then the commemoration is led by the head of the ceremony - a person respected by the guests close to the family. Funeral words at Orthodox commemoration pronounced in seniority. Anyone who wants to speak can and should get the floor.

Funeral toasts * at Orthodox commemorations are completed with the words: Let the earth be [Name] down, and memory eternal! Everyone drinks without clinking glasses and bowing to a portrait or a free place of the deceased.

* Alcohol is not included in the Orthodox tradition of commemoration (see). But the practice of remembering "without clinking glasses" is deeply rooted in the people. It is important to observe the measure!

In Orthodoxy, it is known that, thanks to prayers, funerals and other Christian rites, the rushing soul of the newly deceased becomes easier. A kind warm word from relatives and friends pacifies the soul of the deceased and dulls the grief of loved ones. At the end of the commemoration, getting up from the table, each bows to the portrait or towards the place of the deceased. Leaving, . It is not customary to say goodbye at the wake.

Memorial verses? Yes, but delicately and in moderation.

Expressing condolences in person, face to face, it is undesirable to refer to the verse. Read gathered around the table friends of the deceased can - after all, everyone expects mournful sayings, memories and some pathos. Possibly in verse. The main thing is that the rhyme should not be vulgar, so that it reflects the best features of the deceased and matches the moment. And was brief. Or very brief.

An example of a mourning speech at a funeral

In order not to fetter the “correct” but inappropriate speech for you, instead of a specific example, we will offer the optimal structure of a memorial word with examples of phrases.

Handling:

• Dear friends and relatives of [Name]!
• Dear guests!
• Brothers and sisters!
• Dear family and friends of our beloved [Name]

Personal positioning in relation to the deceased(modestly):

• I am the nephew of our revered [Name].
• I am the brother of [Name], who is remembered by us today.
• [Name] and I have worked/served together for a long/recent years.

About the mourning event(news of death or memory of a funeral):

• Father was ill for a long time; we knew what would happen, but when we got a call from the hospital…
• When I learned that [Name] had died, I couldn't think of anything else that evening.
• Although grandfather lived a long life, the news of his death startled me.
• Today is 40 days since my mother left us.
• A year ago, we said goodbye to [Name], a respected and worthy person.

Few words about the best qualities of the deceased:

• Grandmother was the kindest person, hospitable and hospitable hostess.
• She was a support and a reliable rear for five years ago to her deceased spouse.
• He was known as a joker and an optimist, it was easy and carefree with him.
• He gave confidence in the future and was a support for those around him.

Quote a command, advice, or moral value that the deceased urged relatives and friends to follow. Then, in a few sentences, tell about a bright event or episode of life which illustrates the positive quality of the deceased. It's good if this one is yours. How to buy cheap grave monuments in Moscow? Photos and prices for tombstones made of granite and marble.

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The death of a loved one is grief and heartache for relatives. According to the Christian religion, the fortieth day is the most important. At this time, the soul finally leaves the earth and enters the judgment of God, where its future fate is decided. Help the soul of a loved one find peace in the next world with a commemoration and sincere prayers.

• remove the wreaths placed on the grave after the funeral. Burn or take to the trash;
• put a pair of flowers on the grave;
• light a candle or lamp;
• pray for the soul of the deceased, then be silent and remember all the good moments from his life.

You can not arrange a meal with alcohol and noisy conversations on the 40th day in the cemetery. Organize a memorial dinner at home or in a cafe. Do not put a glass of vodka on the grave and do not pour alcohol into it. Candies with cookies are often placed on the grave. This is a voluntary matter, but it is best to replace sweets with a plate of kutya, which you leave near the grave. Distribute cookies with sweets to those present at the cemetery and to the poor. Do not arrange noisy conversations, everything should go calmly and peacefully.

2 How to remember 40 days after death - visiting the temple

On the fortieth day, be sure to go to church and order a memorial service. This is the best help for the soul of a deceased relative. Please note that a memorial service is ordered only for a deceased person who has been baptized. The rules of commemoration in the church:

• prepare at home the products that you put in the temple on the memorial table. This is charity in honor of the deceased. From the products you can carry cookies, sweets, flour, sugar and various cereals, fruits, vegetable oil and red wine. Do not try to carry sausage and other meat products;
• write the name of the deceased in the note "About the repose." Notes are issued in the church shop. Under his name, write the names of other deceased baptized relatives and acquaintances;
• give the note to the church shop;
• light a candle for the deceased. At the time of its installation, pray for him and ask the Lord to forgive all his sins;
• do not leave the temple when the priest is serving a memorial service. Stand with the candle until it runs out and pray from the bottom of your heart for the deceased relative.

You can order a memorial service at the cemetery. Discuss in advance in the temple with the priest when it will be held. It’s good if after the funeral you immediately order a magpie in the church. They will pray for the deceased from the day of his death until the fortieth day.

3 How to remember 40 days after death - memorial dinner

The purpose of the memorial dinner on the 40th day is the memory of the deceased person and prayers for his repose. Call all the people to whom the deceased was dear. Do not strive to cook a lot of delicacies. Give preference to simple dishes. At the funeral dinner, it is forbidden to sing songs, have fun and drink a lot of alcohol. Vodka is inappropriate here, put light wine on the table. Funeral Dinner Rules:

• organize a wake on the 40th day at home or in a cafe;
• be sure to put rice or millet kutya on the table, rich pancakes and eve - a small cookie smeared with honey on top;
• prepare pies with different fillings;
• include fish dishes, noodle soup, stuffed peppers, meatballs, goulash, Olivier salad or herring under a fur coat, as well as various vegetable salads in the funeral dinner menu. The cafe will offer you a funeral menu;
• before lunch, read the prayer "Our Father".

The main thing in the commemoration is not a discussion of the deceased and other people at the table, but the unification of those people who can remember the deceased person with a good word.

4 How to remember 40 days after death - what to distribute to people

On the 40th day, hand out sweets, cookies and pies to people so that they remember the deceased. Sort through the belongings of the deceased and distribute to those in need. Ask them to pray for the soul of the deceased. This is your own business, you can leave things that are dear to you. If there are things that no one needs, take them to the temple, where they will be given to the poor. But, in any case, do not throw anything away.

Do not forget about the dead and then, pray for them, put candles in the temple for the repose, show mercy to your neighbors, clean the grave. The good memory of a person who has gone to another world will remain in your heart forever.

40 days after death

Hello! On the 40th day after death, what service is ordered in the church?

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8.1. How do you deal with grief at the death of a loved one? The sorrow of separation from the deceased can only be quenched by prayer for him. Christians believe that life does not end with death, that the death of the body is not the death of the soul, that the soul is immortal. Therefore, it is necessary to see off the soul of the deceased in quiet prayer. “Do not betray your heart to sorrow; move it away from you, remembering the end. Do not forget about this, for there is no return; and you will not do him any good, but you will harm yourself. With the repose of the deceased, calm the memory of him, and you will be comforted by him after the departure of his soul ”(Sir.38:20, 21, 23). 8.2. Is it necessary to close the mirror if one of the relatives has died? The custom of hanging mirrors in the house where the death took place partly comes from the belief that whoever sees his own reflection in the mirror of this house will also die soon. There are many "mirror" superstitions, some of them are related to divination on mirrors.

And where magic and witchcraft inevitably appear fear and superstition. A hung mirror does not affect the duration of life, which depends entirely on the Lord.

- The farewell kiss of the deceased takes place after his funeral service in the temple. They kiss on the whisk placed on the forehead of the deceased or are applied to the icon in his hands. They are baptized at the same time on the icon.

8.4. What to do with the icon that was in the hands of the deceased during the funeral?

- After the funeral of the deceased, the icon can be taken home, or you can leave it in the temple. The icon is not left in the coffin.

8.5. What is supposed to be eaten at the wake?

- According to tradition, after the burial, a memorial table is assembled. The memorial meal is a continuation of the service and prayer for the deceased. The memorial meal begins with eating the kutia brought from the temple. Kutia or kolivo are boiled grains of wheat or rice with honey. They also eat pancakes, sweet jelly. On a fast day, food should be fast. A memorial meal should differ from a noisy feast by reverent silence and kind words about the deceased.

Unfortunately, a bad custom has taken root to commemorate the deceased at this table with vodka with a hearty snack. The same thing is repeated on the ninth and fortieth days. It is sinful and shameful on the part of Christians to make such a commemoration, which brings inexpressible sorrow to the newly deceased soul, which these days is being judged by God's Court, and it longs for especially fervent prayer to God.

8.6. How to help the deceased?

- It is quite possible to alleviate the fate of the deceased if you make frequent prayers for him and give alms. It is good for the sake of the deceased to work for the Church or in a monastery.

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- If a person died in Bright Week (from the day of Holy Pascha to Saturday of Bright Week inclusive), then the Easter canon is read. Instead of the Psalter, on Bright Week they read the Acts of the Holy Apostles.

8.8. There is a belief that until the fortieth day nothing from the things of the deceased can be given away. Is this true?

- You need to intercede for the defendant before the trial, and not after it. After death, when the soul goes through ordeals, judgment is made, one must intercede for it: pray and do works of mercy. It is necessary to do good for the deceased: donate to the monastery, to the church, distribute the things of the deceased, buy sacred books and give to believers from the day of his death until the fortieth day and after it. In 40 days after death, the soul is determined to the place (of bliss or torment) in which it will remain until the Last Judgment, until the second Coming of Christ. Before the Last Judgment, it is possible to change the afterlife of the deceased by intensified prayer for him and alms.

8.9. Why is the death of the body necessary?

– “God did not create death and does not rejoice in the destruction of the living, for He created everything for existence” (Wisdom 1:13,14). Death appeared as a result of the fall of the first people. “Righteousness is immortal, but unrighteousness causes death: the wicked attracted her with both hands and words, considered her a friend and withered away, and made an alliance with her, for they are worthy to be her lot” (Wisdom 1:15,16). For many people, death is a means of salvation from spiritual death. So, for example, children who die at an early age do not know sin.

Death reduces the amount of total evil on earth. What would life be like if there were always murderers-Cains who betrayed the Lord Judas and others like them? Therefore, the death of the body is not “absurd”, as the people of the world say about it, but is necessary and expedient.

8.10. What is the purpose of commemorating the dead?

– As long as a person is alive, he is able to repent of sins and do good. But after death, this possibility disappears, only hope for the prayers of the living remains. After the death of the body and a private judgment, the soul is on the eve of eternal bliss or eternal torment. It depends on how the brief earthly life was lived. But much also depends on prayer for the deceased. The lives of the holy saints of God contain many examples of how, through the prayer of the righteous, the posthumous fate of sinners was eased - up to their complete justification.

8.11. What commemoration of the dead is the most important?

—The Holy Fathers of the Church teach that the most powerful and effective means of asking the departed for the mercy of God is to commemorate them at the Liturgy. It is necessary in the coming days after death to order a magpie in the church, that is, a commemoration at forty Liturgies: the Bloodless Sacrifice is offered forty times for the deceased, a particle is removed from the prosphora and immersed in the Blood of Christ with a prayer for the remission of the sins of the newly deceased. This is the most necessary thing that can be done for the soul of the deceased.

8.12. What do the 3rd, 9th, 40th days after the death of a person mean? What needs to be done these days?

- Holy Tradition tells us the gospel from the words of the holy ascetics of faith and piety about the mystery of the test of the soul after its departure from the body. For the first two days, the soul of the deceased remains on earth and with those who accompany it an angel walks in those places that attract her with the memory of earthly joys and sorrows, good deeds and evil ones. So the soul spends the first two days, on the third day the Lord, in the image of His three-day Resurrection, commands the soul to ascend to heaven to worship Him - the God of all. On this day, the church commemoration of the soul of the deceased, who appeared before God, is timely.

Then the soul, accompanied by an Angel, enters the heavenly abodes and contemplates their inexpressible beauty. In this state, the soul stays for six days - from the third to the ninth. On the ninth day, the Lord commands the Angels to again present the soul to Him for worship. With fear and trembling, the soul stands before the Throne of the Most High. But even at this time, the Holy Church again prays for the deceased, asking the Merciful Judge for the repose of the soul of the deceased with the saints.

After the second worship of the Lord, the angels take the soul to hell, and she contemplates the cruel torments of unrepentant sinners. On the fortieth day after death, the soul ascends to the Throne of God for the third time. Now her fate is being decided - she is assigned a certain place, which she was honored by her deeds. That is why church prayers and commemorations on this day are so timely. They ask for the forgiveness of sins and the placement of the soul of the deceased in paradise with the saints. Requiems and litias are performed on these days.

The Church commemorates the deceased on the 3rd day after his death in honor of the three-day Resurrection of Jesus Christ and in the image of the Holy Trinity. Commemoration on the 9th day is performed in honor of the nine ranks of angels, who, as servants of the King of Heaven and intercessors to Him, intercede for mercy on the deceased. Commemoration on the 40th day, according to the tradition of the apostles, is based on the forty-day crying of the Israelites about the death of Moses. In addition, it is known that the forty-day period is very significant in the history and Tradition of the Church as the time necessary for preparation, acceptance of a special Divine gift, for receiving the grace-filled help of the Heavenly Father. So, the prophet Moses was honored to talk with God on Mount Sinai and receive from Him the tablets of the Law only after a forty-day fast. The prophet Elijah reached Mount Horeb after forty days. The Israelites reached the promised land after forty years of wandering in the wilderness. Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself ascended into heaven on the fortieth day after His Resurrection. Taking all this as a basis, the Church established a commemoration of the dead on the 40th day after their death, so that the soul of the deceased ascended the holy mountain of Heavenly Sinai, was rewarded with the sight of God, achieved the blessedness promised to her and settled in heavenly villages with the righteous.

All these days is very important order the commemoration of the deceased in the Church by submitting notes to the Liturgy and (or) panikhida.

8.13. Is it possible to order a memorial service for the deceased if he is a Catholic?

- Private, cell (home) prayer for a non-Orthodox deceased is not prohibited - you can commemorate him at home, read the psalms at the tomb. Churches do not bury or commemorate those who have never belonged to the Orthodox Church: Catholics, Protestants, non-Christians, and all those who died unbaptized. The rites of the funeral service and memorial services were compiled with the certainty that the deceased and the person being buried was a faithful member of the Orthodox Church. Being outside the Church during life, heretics and schismatics are further away from it after death, for then the very possibility of repentance and turning to the light of truth is closed to them.

8.14. Is it possible to order a memorial service for the deceased unbaptized?

– The Church cannot commemorate the unbaptized, for the reason that they lived and died outside the Church - they were not its members, were not reborn to a new, spiritual life in the Sacrament of Baptism, did not confess the Lord Jesus Christ and cannot be involved in those blessings that He promised those who love Him.

For the alleviation of the fate of the souls of the dead who have not been granted Holy Baptism, and of infants who have died in the womb or during childbirth, Orthodox Christians pray at home (they read the canon) to the holy martyr Huar, who has grace from God to intercede for the dead who have not been granted Holy Baptism. It is known from the life of the holy martyr Uar that by his intercession he delivered from eternal torment the relatives of the pious Cleopatra, who revered him, who were pagans.

8.15. Who is the newly-departed, ever-remembered?

- Within forty days after the death of the deceased, they are called the newly deceased. On memorable days for the deceased (death, name day, birth), he is called ever-memorable or ever-memorable.

8.16. What can be done for the deceased if he was buried without a funeral?

- If he was baptized in the Orthodox Church, then you need to come to the temple and order a funeral service in absentia, as well as order magpies, memorial services.

8.17. Do the dead pray for us?

- If the deceased is righteous, then he himself, being before the Throne of God, will respond to the love of those who pray for him with his fervent prayer.

8.18. Is it necessary to serve a memorial service for an infant?

- Dead babies are buried and memorial services are served for them, but in prayers they do not ask for the forgiveness of sins (since babies do not have consciously committed sins), but they ask to vouchsafe them the Kingdom of Heaven.

8.19. Is it possible to pray for the repose of suicides and commemorate them in the temple?

– Suicide is based on disbelief in the Providence of God and despair – these are mortal sins. Mortals, because they do not give room for repentance, remove the saving grace of God from a person. A person voluntarily and completely gives himself into the power of the devil, blocks all paths for grace to himself. How will it be possible for him to be affected by this grace? It is quite natural that the Church cannot offer for such people a propitiatory Bloodless Sacrifice and no prayer at all.

If a person who took his own life was mentally ill or was driven to suicide by bullying and harassment (for example, in the army or places of deprivation of liberty), then his funeral service can be blessed by the ruling bishop. To do this, you must submit a written request.

Private, home prayer for the repose of suicides is not prohibited, but this must be done with the blessing of the confessor.

8.20. Is it possible to bury someone who died in the war in absentia if the place of his burial is unknown?

- If the deceased was baptized, then he can be buried in absentia, and the earth received after the correspondence funeral should be sprinkled crosswise on any grave in the Orthodox cemetery.

The tradition of conducting a funeral service in absentia appeared in Russia in the 20th century due to the large number of those who died in the war, and since it was often impossible to perform a funeral service over the body of the deceased due to the lack of churches and priests, because of the persecution of the Church and the persecution of believers. There are also cases of tragic death when it is impossible to find the body of the deceased. In such cases, an absentee funeral is permissible.

8.21. Is it true that on the 40th day the commemoration of the deceased must be ordered in three churches at once, or in one, but three services in succession?

– Immediately after death, it is customary to order a magpie in the Church. This is a daily enhanced commemoration of the newly deceased during the first forty days - until a private judgment that determines the fate of the soul beyond the grave. After forty days, it is good to order an annual commemoration and then renew it every year. You can also order a longer-term commemoration in monasteries. There is a pious custom - to order a commemoration in several monasteries and temples (their number does not matter). The more prayer books for the deceased, the better.

8.22. Is it possible to order a memorial service for the undead deceased?

- If he was baptized in the Orthodox Church, was not a theomachist and did not commit suicide, then you can order a memorial service, you can also sing in absentia.

8.23. Is it true that suicides are commemorated on Radonitsa? What to do if, believing this, they regularly submitted notes about the commemoration of suicides to the temple?

– The Church never prays for suicides. We must repent of what we have done in Confession and do not act like this again. All doubtful questions should be resolved with the priest, and not to believe the rumors.

8.24. What is Parents' Saturday?

– On certain days of the year, the Church commemorates all deceased Christians. Memorial services that are performed on such days are called ecumenical, and the days themselves are called ecumenical parental Saturdays. On the morning of parental Saturdays, during the Liturgy, all the departed Christians are commemorated. After the Liturgy there are also common requiems.

8.25. When are Parents' Saturdays?

- Almost all parental Saturdays do not have a fixed date, but are associated with the passing day of the celebration of Easter. Saturday meat-fare happens eight days before the start of Lent. Parent Saturdays are on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th weeks of Great Lent. Trinity parental Saturday - on the eve of the day of the Holy Trinity, on the ninth day after the Ascension. On the Saturday preceding the day of remembrance of the great martyr Demetrius of Thessalonica (November 8, according to the new style), there is Demetrius parental Saturday.

8.26. Is it possible to pray for repose after parental Saturday?

– You can and should always pray for repose. This is the debt of the living to the dead, an expression of love for them, since the dead themselves can no longer pray for themselves. All Saturdays of the year, which do not fall on holidays, are dedicated to the remembrance of the dead. But you can pray for the dead, submit notes in the temple and order memorial services on any day.

8.27. What other days of commemoration of the dead are there?

- Radonitsa - nine days after Easter, on Tuesday after Bright Week. On Radonitsa, they share the joy of the Lord's Resurrection with the departed, expressing hope for their resurrection. The Savior Himself descended into hell to preach victory over death and brought the souls of the Old Testament righteous from there. From this great spiritual joy, the day of this commemoration is called "radonitsa", or "radonitsa".

The commemoration of the deceased soldiers is performed by the Orthodox Church on May 9, on the feast of the Victory over Nazi Germany. Warriors killed on the battlefield are also commemorated on the day of the Beheading of John the Baptist (September 11, New Style).

8.28. Why do you need to bring food to the temple?

- Believers bring various food to the temple so that the servants of the Church commemorate the dead at the meal. These offerings serve as a donation, almsgiving for the deceased. In the old days, in the courtyard of the house where the deceased was, on the most significant days for the soul (3rd, 9th, 40th), memorial tables were laid, at which the poor, the homeless, orphans were fed, so that there were many prayer books for the deceased. For prayer, and especially for almsgiving, many sins are forgiven, and the afterlife is alleviated. Then these commemorative tables began to be placed in churches on the days of the ecumenical commemoration of all Christians who have died for centuries with the same purpose - to commemorate the dead.

8.29. What is eve?

- The eve (or eve) is a special table (square or rectangular), on which stands the Cross with the Crucifixion and holes for candles are arranged. Panikhidas are served before the eve. Candles are placed here and you can put food to commemorate the dead.

8.30. What foods can be put on the eve?

- Usually on the eve they put bread, cookies, sugar - everything that does not contradict fasting. You can donate lamp oil, Cahors on the eve. It is forbidden to bring meat into the temple.

8.31. If a person died in a continuous week before Peter's Lent, does this mean anything?

- Doesn't mean anything. The Lord only then stops a person's life when he sees him ready for the transition to eternity, or when he sees no hope for his correction. “Do not hasten death with the delusions of your life, and do not attract destruction to you by the works of your hands” (Wisdom 1:12). “Do not indulge in sin, and do not be foolish: why should you die at the wrong time?” (Eccl. 7:17).

8.32. What soul does not go through ordeals after death?

- It is known from Holy Tradition that even the Mother of God, having received a notice from the archangel Gabriel about the approaching hour of Her relocation to heaven, bowed down before the Lord, humbly implored Him so that, at the hour of the departure of Her soul, she would not see the prince of darkness and hellish monsters, but that the Lord Himself would receive Her soul into His Divine hands. It is all the more useful for the sinful human race to think not about who does not go through ordeals, but about how to go through them and do everything to cleanse the conscience, correct life according to the commandments of God. “The essence of everything: fear God and keep His commandments, because this is everything for a person; for God will bring every deed into judgment, and every secret thing, whether it be good or bad” (Eccl. 12:13,14).

8.33. It is said that those who died during Bright Week receive the Kingdom of Heaven. Is it so?

– The posthumous fate of the dead is known only to the Lord. “Just as you do not know the ways of the wind and how bones are formed in the womb of a pregnant woman, so you cannot know the work of God, who does everything” (Eccl. 11:5). The one who lived piously, did good deeds, wore a cross, repented, confessed and took communion - he, by the grace of God, can be worthy of a blessed life in eternity and regardless of the time of death. And if a person spent his whole life in sins, did not confess and did not take communion, but died on Bright Week, how can one say that he received the Kingdom of Heaven?

8.34. Why is it necessary to take communion on the days of memory of relatives: on the ninth, fortieth days after death?

- There is no such rule. But it will be good if the relatives of the deceased prepare and partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ, having repented, including of the sins related to the deceased, forgive him all offenses and ask for forgiveness themselves.

8.35. How many days are mourning for the deceased?

– There is a tradition of forty-day mourning for a deceased loved one, since on the fortieth day the soul of the deceased receives a certain place in which it will stay until the time of the Last Judgment of God. That is why, until the fortieth day, an intensified prayer is required for the forgiveness of the sins of the deceased, and the external wearing of mourning is designed to promote internal concentration and attention to prayer, to keep from being actively involved in previous worldly affairs. But you can have a prayerful attitude without wearing black clothes. The internal is more important than the external.

8.36. Is it necessary to go to the cemetery on the anniversary of the death of a close relative?

- The main days of the memory of the deceased are the anniversaries of death and name day. The day of death is the day of the second birth, but for a new one - not earthly, but eternal life. Before visiting the cemetery, you should come to the temple at the beginning of the service and submit a note with the name of the deceased for commemoration at the altar (it is better if it is a commemoration at the proskomedia).

8.37. Can the dead be cremated?

– Cremation is a custom alien to Orthodoxy, borrowed from Eastern cults. In the sacred books there is no prohibition to burn the bodies of the dead, but there are positive indications of the Christian doctrine for another and the only permissible way of burying the bodies - this is their burial in the ground (see: Gen. 3:19; John 5:28; Matt. 27:59, 60). This method of burial, adopted by the Church from the very beginning of its existence and sanctified by it by special rites, stands in connection with the entire Christian worldview and with its very essence - faith in the resurrection of the dead. According to the strength of this faith, burial in the ground is an image of the temporary sleep of the deceased, for whom the grave in the bowels of the earth is the natural bed of rest and which is why the Church calls the deceased (and in the worldly - the dead) until the resurrection. And if the burial of the bodies of the dead instills and strengthens the Christian faith in the resurrection, then the burning of the dead is easily related to the anti-Christian doctrine of non-existence.

If the deceased bequeathed to be cremated, it is not a sin to violate this dying will. Cremation can be allowed only in exceptional cases, when there is no way to bring the body of the deceased to the ground.

8.38. Is it possible to get married in the year of the mother's death?

- There is no special rule in this regard. Let the religious and moral feeling itself tell you what to do. On all significant matters of life, one must consult with the priest.

8.39. What to do if a dead person is dreaming?

- Don't worry about dreams. However, one should not forget that the eternally living soul of the deceased feels a great need for constant prayer for her, because she herself can no longer do good deeds with which she would be able to propitiate God. Therefore, prayer (in the temple and at home) for the departed loved ones is the duty of every Orthodox Christian.

8.40. What to do if, after the death of a loved one, the conscience torments about the wrong attitude towards him during his lifetime?

- For a dead person, a living person can do much more than when he was alive. The deceased are in great need of prayer and alms given for them. Therefore, we must devote all our strength to prayer: read the Psalter at home, submit memorial notes in church, feed the poor and the homeless, help the old and sick, and ask them to commemorate the deceased. And in order to calm your conscience, you need to go to the temple for confession and sincerely tell the priest everything that she convicts.

8.41. What to do when visiting a cemetery?

- Arriving at the cemetery, you need to clean up the grave. You can light a candle. If possible, invite a priest to perform litia. If this is not possible, then you can read the short rite of lithium on your own, having previously purchased the appropriate brochure in a church or an Orthodox store. Optionally, you can read an akathist about the repose of the dead. Just keep quiet, remember the deceased.

8.42. Is it possible to arrange a "commemoration" at the cemetery?

- In addition to the kutia consecrated in the temple, nothing is worth eating and drinking at the cemetery. It is especially unacceptable to pour vodka into a grave mound - this offends the memory of the deceased. The custom of leaving a glass of vodka and a piece of bread “for the deceased” on the grave is a relic of paganism and should not be observed by the Orthodox. No need to leave food on the grave - it is better to give it to the beggar or the hungry.

8.43. Is it necessary to go to the cemetery on Easter, Trinity, Holy Spirit Day?

- Sundays and holidays should be spent in prayer in the temple of God, and for visiting the cemetery there are special days of commemoration of the dead - parental Saturdays, Radonitsa, as well as the anniversaries of death and namesake days of the dead.

8.44. Can I bring my dog ​​with me when visiting the cemetery?

- Taking a dog to a cemetery for the purpose of walking, of course, is not worth it. But if necessary, for example, a guide dog for the blind or for the purpose of protection when visiting a remote cemetery, you can take it with you. Dogs should not be allowed to run over graves.

A practical guide to parish counseling. St. Petersburg 2009.

REMEMBER OF THE DEAD

Pwhy do people die?

- “God did not create death and does not rejoice in the perishing of the living, for He created everything for existence” (Wisdom 1:13-14). Death appeared as a result of the fall of the first people. “Righteousness is immortal, but unrighteousness causes death: the wicked attracted her with both hands and words, considered her a friend and withered away, and made an alliance with her, for they are worthy to be her lot” (Wisdom 1:15-16).

To understand the question of mortality, it is necessary to distinguish between spiritual and bodily death. Spiritual death is the separation of the soul from God, Who for the soul is the Source of eternal joyful being. This death is the most terrible consequence of the fall of man. A person gets rid of it in Baptism.

Although bodily death after Baptism remains in a person, it acquires a different meaning. From punishment, it becomes the door to paradise (for people who not only were baptized, but also lived pleasing to God), and it is already called “dormition”.

What happens to the soul after death?

According to Church Tradition, based on the words of Christ, the souls of the righteous are angels on the eve of paradise, where they stay until the Last Judgment, waiting for eternal bliss: “The poor man died, and was carried by angels into the bosom of Abraham” (Luke 16:22). The souls of sinners fall into the hands of demons and are "in hell, in torment" (see Luke 16:23). The final division into the saved and the damned will take place at the Last Judgment, when “many of those sleeping in the dust of the earth will awaken, some to eternal life, others to eternal reproach and shame” (Dan. 12:2). Christ in the parable of the Last Judgment speaks in detail that sinners who did not do works of mercy will be condemned, and the righteous who did such works will be justified: “And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life” (Matt. 25 :46).

What do the 3rd, 9th, 40th days after the death of a person mean? What needs to be done these days?

Holy Tradition proclaims to us from the words of the holy ascetics of faith and piety about the mystery of the test of the soul after it has departed from the body. For the first two days, the soul of a deceased person is still on earth and, with the Angel accompanying her, walks to those places that attract her with the memory of earthly joys and sorrows, good deeds and evil ones. So the soul spends the first two days, on the third day the Lord, in the image of His three-day Resurrection, commands the soul to ascend to heaven to worship Him - the God of all. On this day, the church commemoration of the soul of the deceased, who appeared before God, is timely.

Then the soul, accompanied by an Angel, enters the heavenly abodes and contemplates their inexpressible beauty. The soul stays in this state for six days - from the third to the ninth. On the ninth day, the Lord commands the Angels to again present the soul to Him for worship. With fear and trembling, the soul stands before the Throne of the Most High. But even at this time, the Holy Church again prays for the deceased, asking the Merciful Judge for the repose of the soul of the deceased with the saints.

After the second worship of the Lord, the angels take the soul to hell, and she contemplates the cruel torments of unrepentant sinners. On the fortieth day after death, the soul ascends to the Throne of God for the third time. Now her fate is being decided - she is assigned a certain place, which she was honored by her deeds. That is why church prayers and commemorations on this day are so timely. They ask for the forgiveness of sins and the placement of the soul of the deceased in paradise with the saints. These days the Church performs requiems and litias.

The Church commemorates the deceased on the 3rd day after his death in honor of the three-day Resurrection of Jesus Christ and in the image of the Holy Trinity. Commemoration on the 9th day is performed in honor of the nine ranks of angels, who, as servants of the King of Heaven and intercessors to Him, intercede for mercy on the deceased. Commemoration on the 40th day, according to the tradition of the apostles, is based on the forty-day crying of the Israelites about the death of Moses. In addition, it is known that the forty-day period is very significant in the history and Tradition of the Church as the time necessary for preparation, acceptance of a special Divine gift, for receiving the grace-filled help of the Heavenly Father. So, the prophet Moses was honored to talk with God on Mount Sinai and receive from Him the tablets of the Law only after a forty-day fast. The prophet Elijah reached Mount Horeb after forty days. The Israelites reached the promised land after forty years of wandering in the wilderness. Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself ascended into heaven on the fortieth day after His Resurrection. Taking all this as a basis, the Church established a commemoration of the dead on the 40th day after their death, so that the soul of the deceased ascended the holy mountain of Heavenly Sinai, was rewarded with the sight of God, achieved the blessedness promised to her and settled in heavenly villages with the righteous.

On all these days, it is very important to order the commemoration of the deceased in the Church by submitting notes for commemoration at the Liturgy and Panikhida.

What soul does not go through ordeals after death?

It is known from Holy Tradition that even the Mother of God, having received notice from the archangel Gabriel about the approaching hour of Her relocation to heaven, bowed down before the Lord, humbly implored Him that, at the hour of the departure of Her soul, she would not see the prince of darkness and hellish monsters, but so that the Lord Himself would receive Her soul into His Divine embrace. It is all the more useful for the sinful human race to think not about who does not go through ordeals, but about how to go through them, and do everything to cleanse the conscience, correct life according to the commandments of God. “The essence of everything: fear God and keep His commandments, because this is everything for a person; for God will bring every work into judgment, and every secret thing, whether it be good or evil” (Ecclesiastes 12:13-14).

What is the concept of heaven?

Paradise is not so much a place as a state of mind; just as hell is suffering resulting from the inability to love and non-participation in the Divine light, so paradise is the bliss of the soul, resulting from an excess of love and light, to which one who is united with Christ fully and completely partakes. This is not contradicted by the fact that paradise is described as a place with various "mansions" and "halls"; all descriptions of paradise are only attempts to express in human language that which is inexpressible and transcends the human mind.

In the Bible, "paradise" refers to the garden where God placed man; the same word in the ancient church tradition called the future bliss of people redeemed and saved by Christ. It is also called the "Kingdom of Heaven", "the life of the age to come", "the eighth day", "new heaven", "heavenly Jerusalem". The Holy Apostle John the Theologian says: “I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the former heaven and the former earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. Iya, John, saw the holy city of Jerusalem, new, descending from God from heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from heaven, saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them; they will be His people, and God Himself with them will be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death; there will be no more mourning, no outcry, no sickness, for the former has passed away. And He who sits on the throne said: Behold, I create all things new... I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end; to the thirsty one for free from the source of living water... And he (the angel) lifted me up in the spirit to a great and high mountain, and showed me the great city, holy Jerusalem, which descended from heaven from God. He has the glory of God… I did not see a temple in him, for the Lord God Almighty is his temple, and the Lamb. And the city has no need of either the sun or the moon for its illumination; for the glory of God hath illumined him, and his lamp is the Lamb. The saved nations will walk in its light... And nothing unclean will enter into it, and no one given over to abomination and falsehood, but only those who are written in the Lamb's book of life" (Rev. 21:1-6,10,22-24,27 ). This is the earliest description of paradise in Christian literature.

When reading the descriptions of paradise found in theological literature, it is necessary to keep in mind that many Church Fathers speak of the paradise they saw, into which they were raptured by the power of the Holy Spirit. In all descriptions of paradise, it is emphasized that earthly words can only to a small extent depict heavenly beauty, since it is "inexpressible" and surpasses human comprehension. It also speaks of the "many mansions" of paradise (John 14:2), that is, of different degrees of blessedness. “Some (God) will honor with great honors, others with less,” says St. Basil the Great, “because “star differs from star in glory” (1 Cor. 15:41). And since there are “many mansions” with the Father, some will rest in a more excellent and higher state, and others in a lower one. However, for each of his "abode" will be the highest fullness of bliss available to him - in accordance with how close he is to God in earthly life. “All the saints who are in Paradise will see and know one another, but Christ will see and fill everyone,” says St. Simeon the New Theologian.

What is the concept of hell?

There is no person who is deprived of the love of God, and there is no place that is not part of this love; however, everyone who has made a choice in favor of evil, voluntarily deprives himself of God's mercy. Love, which for the righteous in paradise is a source of bliss and consolation, becomes a source of torment for sinners in hell, since they recognize themselves as not participating in love. In the words of St. Isaac, "Gehen torment is repentance."

According to the teachings of St. Simeon the New Theologian, the main reason for a person’s torment in hell is an acute feeling of separation from God: “None of the people who believe in You, Vladyka,” writes St. Simeon, “none of those who were baptized in Your name will endure this great and the terrible severity of separation from You, Merciful, because it is a terrible sorrow, unbearable, terrible and eternal sorrow. If on earth, says St. Simeon, those who do not partake of God have bodily pleasures, then there, outside the body, they will experience one unceasing torment. And all the images of hellish torments that exist in world literature - fire, cold, thirst, red-hot furnaces, lakes of fire, etc. - are only symbols of suffering, which comes from the fact that a person feels himself not involved in God.

For an Orthodox Christian, the idea of ​​hell and eternal torment is inextricably linked with the mystery that is revealed in the divine services of Holy Week and Easter - the mystery of Christ's descent into hell and the deliverance of those who are there from the dominion of evil and death. The Church believes that after His death, Christ descended into the abysses of hell in order to abolish hell and death, to destroy the terrible kingdom of the devil. Just as having entered the waters of the Jordan at the moment of His Baptism, Christ sanctifies these waters filled with human sin, so when He descends into hell, He illuminates it with the light of His presence to the last depths and limits, so that hell can no longer endure the power of God and perishes. St. John Chrysostom in the Paschal catechumen says: “Hell was grieved when he met you at the bottom; grieved, for he was abolished; grieved because he was ridiculed; grieved, for he was put to death; grieved, for he was deposed." This does not mean that hell no longer exists at all after the Resurrection of Christ: it exists, but the death sentence has already been passed on it.

Every Sunday, Orthodox Christians hear hymns dedicated to the victory of Christ over death: “The Angelic Cathedral was surprised, in vain you were imputed to the dead, but the mortal, Savior, ruined the fortress ... and freed all from hell” (liberating everyone from hell). Deliverance from hell, however, should not be understood as some kind of magical act performed by Christ against the will of man: for those who consciously reject Christ and eternal life, hell continues to exist as the suffering and torment of God-forsakenness.

How do you deal with grief at the death of a loved one?

The sorrow of separation from the deceased can only be quenched by prayer for him. Christianity does not see death as the end. Death is the beginning of a new life, and earthly life is only a preparation for it. Man is created for eternity; in paradise he was nourished by the "tree of life" (Gen. 2:9) and was immortal. But after the fall, the path to the tree of life was blocked and man became mortal and corruptible.

But life does not end with death, the death of the body is not the death of the soul, the soul is immortal. Therefore, it is necessary to see off the soul of the deceased with prayer. “Do not betray your heart to sorrow; move it away from you, remembering the end. Do not forget about this, for there is no return; and you will not do him any good, but you will hurt yourself... With the repose of the deceased, calm the memory of him, and you will be comforted by him after the departure of his soul” (Sir. 38:20-21,23).

What to do if, after the death of a loved one, the conscience torments about the wrong attitude towards him during his lifetime?

The voice of conscience accusing of guilt subsides and stops after sincere heartfelt repentance and confession before God to the priest of his sinfulness towards the deceased. It is important to remember that with God everyone is alive and the commandment of love applies to the dead as well. The deceased are in great need of the prayerful help of the living and the alms given for them. The one who loves will pray, do alms, submit church records for the repose of the dead, strive to live pleasing to God, so that God will show His mercy on them.

If you constantly remain in active concern for others, do good to them, then not only peace will be established in your soul, but deep satisfaction and joy.

What to do if a dead person is dreaming?

Dreams should not be ignored. However, one should not forget that the eternally living soul of the deceased feels a great need for constant prayer for her, because she herself can no longer do good deeds with which she would be able to propitiate God. Therefore, prayer in the temple and at home for the departed loved ones is the duty of every Orthodox Christian.

How many days are mourning for the deceased?

There is a tradition of forty days of mourning for a deceased loved one. According to the Tradition of the Church, on the fortieth day the soul of the deceased receives a certain place in which it will stay until the time of the Last Judgment of God. That is why, until the fortieth day, an intensified prayer is required for the forgiveness of the sins of the deceased, and the external wearing of mourning is designed to promote internal concentration and attention to prayer, to keep from being actively involved in previous worldly affairs. But you can have a prayerful attitude without wearing black clothes. The internal is more important than the external.

Who is the newly-departed and ever-memorable?

In the church tradition, the deceased person is called the newly deceased within forty days after death. The first day is considered the day of death, even if the death occurred a few minutes before midnight. On the 40th day after the disciple of the Church, God (at the private judgment of the soul), determines its afterlife until the universal Last Judgment prophetically promised by the Savior (see Matt. 25:31-46).

The ever-memorable is usually called a person after forty days after death. Ever-memorable - the word "ever" means - always. And the ever-memorable is always remembered, that is, the one that is always remembered and prayed for. In funeral notes, sometimes they write “the ever-memorable (oh)” before the name, when the next anniversary of the death of the deceased (s) is celebrated.

How is the last kiss of the deceased performed? Does it need to be baptized?

The farewell kissing of the deceased takes place after his funeral service in the temple. They kiss on the whisk placed on the forehead of the deceased, or kiss the icon in his hands. They are baptized at the same time on the icon.

What to do with the icon that was in the hands of the deceased during the funeral?

After the funeral of the deceased, the icon can be taken home, or left in the temple.

What can be done for the deceased if he was buried without a funeral?

If he was baptized in the Orthodox Church, then you need to come to the temple and order a funeral service in absentia, as well as order magpies, memorial services and pray for him at home.

How to help the deceased?

It is possible to alleviate the fate of the deceased if you make frequent prayers for him and give alms. It is good to work for the Church in memory of the deceased, for example, in a monastery.

What is the purpose of commemorating the dead?

Prayer for those who have passed from temporal life to eternal life is an ancient tradition of the Church, sanctified for centuries. Leaving the body, a person leaves the visible world, but he does not leave the Church, but remains a member of it, and it is the duty of those who remain on earth to pray for him. The Church believes that prayer facilitates the posthumous fate of a person. As long as a person is alive, he is able to repent of sins and do good. But after death, this possibility disappears, only hope for the prayers of the living remains. After the death of the body and a private judgment, the soul is on the eve of eternal bliss or eternal torment. It depends on how the brief earthly life was lived. But much also depends on prayer for the deceased. The lives of the holy saints of God contain many examples of how, through the prayer of the righteous, the posthumous fate of sinners was eased - up to their complete justification.

Can the dead be cremated?

Cremation is a custom alien to Orthodoxy, borrowed from Eastern cults and spread as a norm in a secular (non-religious) society during the Soviet period. Therefore, the relatives of the deceased, at the slightest opportunity to avoid cremation, should prefer the burial of the deceased in the ground. In the sacred books there is no prohibition to burn the bodies of the dead, but there are positive indications of Christian doctrine for a different way of burying the bodies - this is their burial in the ground (see: Gen. 3:19; John 5:28; Matt. 27:59-60). This method of burial, adopted by the Church from the very beginning of its existence and sanctified by it by special rites, stands in connection with the entire Christian worldview and with its very essence - faith in the resurrection of the dead. According to the strength of this faith, burial in the ground is an image of the temporary sleep of the deceased, for whom the grave in the bowels of the earth is the natural bed of rest and which is why the Church calls the deceased (and in the worldly - the deceased) until the resurrection. And if the burial of the bodies of the dead instills and strengthens the Christian faith in the resurrection, then the burning of the dead is easily related to the anti-Christian doctrine of non-existence.

The Gospel describes the rite of burial of the Lord Jesus Christ, which consisted in the washing of His Most Pure Body, putting on special burial clothes and being placed in a tomb (Matt. 27:59-60; Mark 15:46; 16:1; Luke 23:53 ; 24:1; John 19:39-42). The same actions are supposed to be performed on the departed Christians at the present time.

Cremation may be allowed in exceptional cases, when there is no way to bring the body of the deceased to the ground.

Is it true that on the 40th day the commemoration of the deceased must be ordered in three churches at once, or in one, but three services in succession?

Immediately after death, it is customary to order a magpie in the Church. This is a daily enhanced commemoration of the newly deceased during the first forty days - until a private judgment that determines the fate of the soul beyond the grave. After forty days, it is good to order an annual commemoration and then renew it every year. You can also order a longer-term commemoration in monasteries. There is a pious custom - to order a commemoration in several monasteries and temples (their number does not matter). The more prayer books for the deceased, the better.

What is eve?

Eve (or eve) is a special square or rectangular table on which stands the Cross with the Crucifix and holes for candles are arranged. Panikhidas are served before the eve. Here you can put candles and put products to commemorate the dead.

Why do you need to bring food to the temple?

Believers bring various products to the temple so that the servants of the Church commemorate the dead at the meal. These offerings serve as a donation, almsgiving for the deceased. In the old days, in the courtyard of the house where the deceased was, on the most significant days for the soul (3rd, 9th, 40th), memorial tables were laid, at which the poor, the homeless, orphans were fed, so that there were many prayer books for the deceased. For prayer, and especially for almsgiving, many sins are forgiven, and the afterlife is alleviated. Then these commemorative tables began to be placed in churches on the days of the ecumenical commemoration of all Christians who have died for centuries with the same purpose - to commemorate the dead.

What foods can be put on the eve?

Products can be anything. It is forbidden to bring meat into the temple.

What commemoration of the dead is the most important?

Prayers at the Liturgy have special power. The Church prays for all the dead, including those in hell. One of the kneeling prayers read on the feast of Pentecost contains a petition "for those who are kept in hell" and that the Lord rest them "in a place of light." The Church believes that through the prayers of the living, God can ease the afterlife of the dead, delivering them from torment and honoring them with salvation with the saints.

Therefore, it is necessary in the coming days after death to order a magpie in the temple, that is, a commemoration at forty Liturgies: the Bloodless Sacrifice is offered forty times for the deceased, a particle is removed from the prosphora and immersed in the Blood of Christ with a prayer for the forgiveness of the sins of the newly deceased. This is a feat of love for the fullness of the Orthodox Church in the person of a priest who celebrates the Liturgy for the sake of the people commemorated at the proskomedia. This is the most necessary thing that can be done for the soul of the deceased.

What is Parents' Saturday?

On certain Sabbath days of the year, the Church commemorates all formerly deceased Christians. Panikhidas that are performed on such days are called ecumenical, and the days themselves are called ecumenical parental Saturdays. On the morning of parental Saturdays, during the Liturgy, all formerly deceased Christians are commemorated. On the eve of parental Saturday, on Friday evening, parastas is served (translated from Greek as "preceding", "intercession", "intercession") - the following of a great memorial service for all the departed Orthodox Christians.

When are Parents' Saturdays?

Almost all parental Saturdays do not have a fixed date, but are associated with the passing day of the celebration of Easter. Saturday meat-fare happens eight days before the start of Lent. Parent Saturdays are on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th weeks of Great Lent. Trinity parental Saturday - on the eve of the day of the Holy Trinity, on the ninth day after the Ascension. On the Saturday preceding the day of remembrance of the Great Martyr Demetrius of Thessalonica (November 8, according to the new style), Demetrius' Parents' Saturday takes place.

Is it possible to pray for repose after parental Saturday?

Yes, it is possible and necessary to pray for the repose of the dead even after parental Saturdays. This is the duty of the living to the dead and an expression of love for them. The deceased themselves can no longer help themselves, they cannot bring the fruits of repentance, do alms. This is evidenced by the gospel parable of the rich man and Lazarus (Luke 16:19-31). Death is not a departure into non-existence, but the continuation of the existence of the soul in eternity, with all its features, infirmities and passions. Therefore, the departed (except for the saints glorified by the Church) need prayerful commemoration.

Saturdays (except for Great Saturday, Saturday in the Bright Week and Saturdays coinciding with the Twelfth, Great and Temple Feasts), in the church calendar, are traditionally considered days of special commemoration of the departed. But you can pray for the dead, submit notes in the temple on any day of the year, even when, according to the charter of the Church, memorial services are not served, in this case the names of the dead are commemorated in the altar.

What other days of commemoration of the dead are there?

Radonitsa - nine days after Easter, on Tuesday after Bright Week. On Radonitsa, they share the joy of the Lord's Resurrection with the departed, expressing hope for their resurrection. The Savior Himself descended into hell to preach victory over death and brought the souls of the Old Testament righteous from there. From this great spiritual joy, the day of this commemoration is called "radonitsa", or "radonitsa".

Special commemoration of all the deceased during the Great Patriotic War of 1941-1945. established by the Church on May 9. The soldiers killed on the battlefield are also commemorated on the day of the Beheading of John the Baptist on September 11, according to the new style.

Is it necessary to go to the cemetery on the anniversary of the death of a close relative?

The main days of the memory of the deceased are the anniversaries of death and name day. On the anniversary of the death of the deceased, relatives close to him pray for him, thereby expressing the belief that the day of a person’s death is not a day of destruction, but a new birth for eternal life; the day of the transition of the immortal human soul to other conditions of life, where there is no longer any place for earthly diseases, sorrows and sighs.

On this day, it is good to visit the cemetery, but first you should come to the temple at the beginning of the service, submit a note with the name of the deceased for commemoration at the altar (it is better if it is a commemoration at the proskomedia), at a memorial service and, if possible, pray at the service.

Is it necessary to go to the cemetery on Easter, Trinity, Holy Spirit Day?

Sundays and holidays should be spent in prayer in the temple of God, and for visiting the cemetery there are special days of commemoration of the dead - parental Saturdays, Radonitsa, as well as the anniversaries of death and namesake days of the dead.

What to do when visiting a cemetery?

Arriving at the cemetery, you need to clean up the grave. You can light a candle. If possible, invite a priest to perform litia. If this is not possible, then you can read the short rite of lithium on your own, having previously purchased the appropriate brochure in a church or an Orthodox store. Optionally, you can read an akathist about the repose of the dead. Just keep quiet, remember the deceased.

Is it possible to arrange a "commemoration" at the cemetery?

In addition to the kutia consecrated in the temple, nothing is worth eating or drinking at the cemetery. It is especially unacceptable to pour vodka into a grave mound - this offends the memory of the deceased. The custom of leaving a glass of vodka and a piece of bread “for the deceased” on the grave is a relic of paganism and should not be observed by the Orthodox. It is not necessary to leave food on the grave - it is better to give it to the beggar or the hungry.

What is supposed to be eaten at the "commemoration"?

According to tradition, after the burial, a memorial table is assembled. The memorial meal is a continuation of the service and prayer for the deceased. The memorial meal begins with eating the kutia brought from the temple. Kutia or kolivo are boiled grains of wheat or rice with honey. Also, according to tradition, they eat pancakes, sweet jelly. On a fast day, food should be fast. A memorial meal should differ from a noisy feast by reverent silence and kind words about the deceased.

Unfortunately, a bad custom has taken root to commemorate the deceased with vodka with a hearty snack. The same thing is repeated on the ninth and fortieth days. This is wrong, since the newly-departed soul these days longs for a special fervent prayer for her to God, and certainly not drinking wine.

Is it possible to place a photo of the deceased on the grave cross?

A cemetery is a special place where the bodies of those who have passed into another life are buried. A visible evidence of this is the tomb cross, which is erected as a sign of the redemptive victory of the Lord Jesus Christ over death. As the Savior of the world resurrected, accepting death on the cross for people, so will all the dead bodily resurrect. People come to the cemetery to pray for the dead in this place of rest. A photograph on a grave cross often prompts more remembrance than prayer.

With the adoption of Christianity in Rus', the dead were placed either in stone sarcophagi, and a cross was depicted on the lid, or in the ground. A cross was placed on the grave. After 1917, when the destruction of Orthodox traditions took on a systematic character, instead of crosses, columns with photographs began to be placed on the graves. Sometimes monuments were erected and a portrait of the deceased was attached to them. After the war, monuments with a star and a photograph began to prevail as headstones. In the last decade and a half, crosses have increasingly begun to appear in cemeteries. The practice of placing photographs on crosses has survived from past Soviet decades.

Can I bring my dog ​​with me when visiting the cemetery?

Taking a dog to a cemetery for the purpose of walking, of course, is not worth it. But if necessary, for example, a guide dog for the blind or for the purpose of protection when visiting a remote cemetery, you can take it with you. Dogs should not be allowed to run over graves.

If a person died on Bright Week (from the day of Holy Pascha to Saturday of Bright Week inclusive), then the Easter canon is read. Instead of the Psalter, on Bright Week they read the Acts of the Holy Apostles.

Is it necessary to serve a memorial service for an infant?

The dead babies are buried and memorial services are served for them, but in prayers they do not ask for the forgiveness of sins, since babies do not have consciously committed sins, but they ask the Lord to vouchsafe them the Kingdom of Heaven.

Is it possible to bury someone who died in the war in absentia if the place of his burial is unknown?

If the deceased was baptized, then he can be buried in absentia, and the earth received after the correspondence funeral can be sprinkled crosswise on any grave in the Orthodox cemetery.

The tradition of performing a funeral service in absentia appeared in Russia in the 20th century due to the large number of those who died in the war, and since it was often impossible to perform a funeral service over the body of the deceased due to the lack of churches and priests, due to the persecution of the Church and the persecution of believers. There are also cases of tragic death when it is impossible to find the body of the deceased. In such cases, an absentee funeral is permissible.

Is it possible to order a memorial service for an undead buried deceased?

Memorial services can be ordered if the deceased was a baptized Orthodox person and not from among the suicides. The Church does not commemorate the unbaptized and suicides.

If it became known that the buried person was not buried according to the Orthodox rite, then it must be buried in absentia. In the rite of the funeral, in contrast to the memorial service, the priest reads a special prayer for the forgiveness of the sins of the deceased.

It is important not just to “order” a memorial service and a funeral service, but for the relatives and friends of the deceased to take prayerful part in them.

Is it possible to sing a suicide and pray for his repose at home and in the temple?

In exceptional cases, after consideration of all the circumstances of the suicide by the ruling bishop of the diocese, an absentee funeral may be blessed. To do this, the relevant documents and a written petition are submitted to the ruling bishop, where, with special responsibility for one’s words, all known circumstances and reasons for suicide are indicated. All cases are considered individually. With the permission of the absentee funeral service by the bishop, the temple prayer for repose becomes possible.

In all cases, for the prayerful consolation of the relatives and friends of the person who committed suicide, a special prayer order has been developed, which can be performed whenever the relatives of the person who committed suicide turn to the priest for consolation in the grief that has befallen them.

In addition to performing this rite, relatives and friends can, with the blessing of the priest, read the prayer of the reverend elder Leo of Optina at home: “Search, Lord, for the lost soul of Your servant (name): if it is possible to eat, have mercy. Your destinies are unsearchable. Do not put me in sin with this prayer of mine, but may Thy holy will be done ”and give alms.

Is it true that suicides are commemorated on Radonitsa? What to do if, believing this, they regularly submitted notes about the commemoration of suicides to the temple?

No, it's not. If a person, out of ignorance, submitted notes about the commemoration of suicides (the funeral service of which was not blessed by the ruling bishop), then he needs to repent of this at confession and not do it again. All doubtful questions should be resolved with the priest, and not to believe the rumors.

Is it possible to order a memorial service for the deceased if he is a Catholic?

Private, private (home) prayer for a non-Orthodox deceased is not prohibited - you can commemorate him at home, read the psalms at the tomb. Churches do not bury or commemorate those who have never belonged to the Orthodox Church: non-Christians and all those who died unbaptized. The funeral rites and panikhidas are composed taking into account the fact that the deceased and the buried person was a faithful member of the Orthodox Church.

Is it possible to submit notes in the temple about the commemoration of the deceased unbaptized?

Liturgical prayer is a prayer for the children of the Church. In the Orthodox Church, it is not customary to commemorate unbaptized, as well as non-Orthodox Christians, at the proskomedia (the preparatory part of the Liturgy). This, however, does not mean that they cannot be prayed for at all. Private (home) prayer for such dead is possible. Christians believe that prayer can be of great help to the dead. True Orthodoxy breathes the spirit of love, mercy and indulgence towards all people, including those outside the Orthodox Church.

The Church cannot commemorate the unbaptized for the reason that they lived and died outside the Church - they were not its members, they were not reborn to a new, spiritual life in the Sacrament of Baptism, they did not confess the Lord Jesus Christ and cannot be involved in those blessings that He promised to those who love him.

Orthodox Christians pray at home for the relief of the fate of the souls of the dead who have not been granted Holy Baptism, and of infants who have died in their mother’s womb or during childbirth, they read the canon to the holy martyr Uar, who has grace from God to intercede for the dead who have not been granted Holy Baptism. It is known from the life of the holy martyr Uar that by his intercession he delivered from eternal torment the relatives of the pious Cleopatra, who revered him, who were pagans.

It is said that those who died during Bright Week receive the Kingdom of Heaven. Is it so?

The posthumous fate of the dead is known only to the Lord. “Just as you do not know the ways of the wind and how bones are formed in the womb of a pregnant woman, so you cannot know the work of God, who does everything” (Eccl. 11:5). The one who lived piously, did good deeds, wore a cross, repented, confessed and took communion - he, by the grace of God, can be worthy of a blessed life in eternity, regardless of the time of death. And if a person spent his whole life in sins, did not confess and did not receive communion, but died on Bright Week, can it be argued that he inherited the Kingdom of Heaven?

If a person died in a continuous week before Peter's Lent, does this mean anything?

Doesn't mean anything. The Lord terminates the earthly life of each person in due time, providentially caring for each soul.

“Do not hasten death with the delusions of your life, and do not draw destruction upon you by the works of your hands” (Wisdom 1:12). “Do not indulge in sin, and do not be foolish: why should you die at the wrong time?” (Eccl. 7:17).

Is it possible to get married in the year of the mother's death?

There is no special rule in this regard. Let the religious and moral feeling itself tell you what to do. On all significant matters of life, one must consult with the priest.

Why is it necessary to take communion on the days of memory of relatives: on the ninth, fortieth days after death?

There is no such rule. But it will be good if the relatives of the deceased prepare and partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ, having repented, including of the sins related to the deceased, forgive him all offenses and ask for forgiveness themselves.

Is it necessary to close the mirror if one of the relatives has died?

Hanging mirrors in the house is a superstition, and has nothing to do with church traditions of burying the dead. Is it necessary to close the mirror if one of the relatives has died?

The custom of hanging mirrors in the house where the death took place partly comes from the belief that whoever sees his own reflection in the mirror of this house will also die soon. There are many "mirror" superstitions, some of them are related to divination on mirrors. And where there is magic and sorcery, fear and superstition inevitably appear. A hung or not hung mirror does not affect the duration of life, which is entirely dependent on the Lord.

There is a belief that until the fortieth day nothing from the things of the deceased can be given away. Is this true?

It is necessary to intercede for the defendant before the trial, and not after it. Therefore, it is necessary to intercede for the soul of the deceased immediately after his death until the fortieth day and after it: to pray and do works of mercy, distribute things of the deceased, donate to the monastery, to the church. Before the Last Judgment, it is possible to change the afterlife of the deceased by intensified prayer for him and alms.